


Lying to Everyone Else

by Name1



Series: Stubborn, Oblivious, and in Denial [2]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Caradin toward the end, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Fluff, Grumpy Idiots, Happy Ending, More angst, Pining, Romance, soft idiots, will they won't they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Name1/pseuds/Name1
Summary: Koska and Boba don't think about each other at all during the months following their......interlude. The fight for Mandalore is getting closer though and old alliances have a way of coming together again......and again.
Relationships: Boba Fett/Koska Reeves, Din Djarin/Cara Dune
Series: Stubborn, Oblivious, and in Denial [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144148
Comments: 145
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a feels-heavy follow up to Lying to Yourself.

She'd thrown herself in assisting Bo-Katan to keep her mind busy. The days both seemed to drag on forever and blur together as she tried to appear as she had before. Any level of suspicion would have been called out immediately, so she put on her best icy and unfeeling face for her friend--she wasn't _distracted_ , she wasn't _sad_ , and her mind certainly wasn't _elsewhere_. She had put those days and weeks behind her as far as Bo-Katan was concerned. It hadn't affected her at all and left no lingering effects. She hadn't left anything behind and was 100% ready, willing, and capable of jumping back into the fight after their brief stint planetside. She'd convinced her leader and friend of it easily enough, so now it was time to convince herself. Four months had passed since she'd said goodbye to that man who irritated her to no end but who also held her with such tenderness and warmth at night that even now she felt cold without it. She just needed more jobs, more work. She needed more responsibilities and projects so she piled them on until she was too busy to think about anything else. She certainly didn't think about that smart-mouthed idiot in the days after they boarded their ship and left Tatooine behind, same as any other dustball planet. 

She didn't think about him a month later when her period was late either: first one day, then two....then three and four. When she finally bled five days later than expected she'd been so relieved that she felt dizzy with it. She'd already gone over every possible scenario in her head and she was already exhausted from trying to figure out a problem that turned out not to be a problem at all. She was almost disappointed in a way that she'd been so worked up over nothing. In this case, _n_ _othing_ was infinitely better than _**something** _for a whole host of reasons , but she felt like maybe she wouldn't have been so horrified if there _had_ been something to worry about after all. Bo-Katan would chastise her to no end but she had no doubt she'd be there to support her after all they had been through together. She certainly felt like a lucky idiot who had skirted by a life changing event by the skin of her teeth. They'd been so lost in each other those weeks that they hadn't even thought about any kind of consequences outside that one room. Looking back, she'd gotten extremely lucky and she wouldn't risk fate a second time. She doubted she'd ever cross paths with him again, but she promised herself to be much more level-headed if she ever found herself near him again. He just had a way of making her forget herself and act without thinking about things like consequences or how her actions would appear to anyone else. 

Once she berated herself for her carelessness and vowed to never be so stupid again, she got back to work. She was the most focused, the most determined, and the most motivated soldier Bo-Katan had ever seen; though it was exhausting keeping it up for so long without a break.

Keeping her mind busy during the day was necessary so she didn't get lost in remembering what she'd walked away from--the beginning of _something_. It mostly worked during the day, but she couldn't hide from her dreams at night so easily. She was glad there were twenty yards between her sleeping pod and Bo-Katan's so her nightmares or more 'pleasant' dreams didn't carry.

Sometimes he was dead and she knew she could have prevented it if she had stuck around. Others, he and Bo had their backs turned to her and Koska was too far away to reach them or even call out before they got on a ship and left without her. There was a different category of dreams all together that were molten--his hands and his mouth everywhere that had driven her crazy and made her fall apart--knowing just how to touch her without her having to say anything. It was better when they didn't talk anyway, since most of what came out of their mouths was bullshit and posturing until those ran out and honest was all they had left. That was their language she supposed--their unique form of foreplay. Certainly, no one else could talk to her like he did and live to tell about it. 

Other dreams were simple, if not outright nebulous--a singular ghost-like feeling that floated around in her mind. Sometimes it was his warmth or just the feeling of his hands. Sometimes it was his voice or the scars she'd mapped over and over and had committed to memory. If she focused in that space between awake and dreaming she could hear his voice in the morning, rough with sleep, when she'd taken too many of the blankets. He always tried to pry them back before they'd wrestle and snarl at each other and it turned into something else entirely. 

_His complaining grumble when she pressed her cold feet against him, but he let her warm them anyway between his calves....._

_The feeling of his weight on top of her and how comforting she found it to trust someone like that. She wished she had pulled him on top of her sooner, she could have had that for weeks......_

_The strange tenderness she found when she kissed him that surprised her even now-- it slowed everything down until she could focus on the feel of his lips and warm puffs of air against her face. She never really got the point of pushing your mouth against someone else's, but she got it now. It narrowed life down to a single point.....a taste, a sound, a smell, a feel of lips, or a warm breath. It was strangely intimate and like a battle at the same time; but in this case it didn't matter if you won or lost._

Sometimes her dreams were so real, she'd wake up and just **_know_** he was there, ready to scold her for waking up so early; ready to kiss her shoulder and pull her back down for a few more hours. When she woke up though, there was none of the warmth she had grown used to. His voice wasn't in her ear or at her neck. Eating a quiet breakfast now was lonely instead of peaceful or meditative, like it used to be with another person beside her.

She never could share any of this with Bo-Katan so her dreams lived rent-free in her head with no outlet. That wasn't true though; the rent was her self-doubt in whether she'd made the right decision and her guilt at not even trying to tell him it had meant something to her. She was terrible at that kind of thing, but she hoped he could see at least some of it in her stoic face. Her blank and sometimes outright mean facade that she never let slip had started to lose some of its bite around him and he'd even managed to make her smile when they were alone. She missed having someone to talk to and someone to listen to. She missed pushing and being pushed. She missed him irritating her to no end and goading her into a fight she let herself be led into. She missed the chance of sleeping through the night. She missed _him_. 

Once she had gotten past his spikes and his armor, there was so much more underneath that she hadn't expected to find. If she was feeling philosophical, she supposed the same could be said about her. Maybe that's why they found it so easy to 'tolerate' each other's blustering and bullshit. Neither of them were soft, but they didn't have to be especially hard around each other either. Whatever thing they had, they didn't have to make it into something it wasn't just for it to work. Maybe that's what was the most surprising--he didn't seem to suffer her presence like everyone else. 

If Koska thought about the last few months objectively, she couldn't believe how taken she was with this man more than twice her age, but he was compelling--there was no doubt. She'd deny it to anyone else, but she found it hard to lie to herself anymore. She was drawn to him--felt something for him--loved him in the simplest way. It was no epic love story **\--** ** _gag--_** but she felt good when he was around. It was easy to forget all the bad shit when he was nearby and being a grumpy asshole just to get a smirk out of her. ' _What kind of story was that?'_ she wondered.

Despite being almost thirty, she felt every bit a young woman who'd had a taste of...... _not romance, certainly_ \-- **_ugh, gross_** \--but a relationship nonetheless. Even if it was without all the bells and whistles, she'd found a companion who she didn't mind spending days and nights with; one who annoyed her but somehow managed to annoy her just as much by his absence. Even her best attempts at gnashing her teeth and convincing him she wasn't worth all the effort hadn't been fruitful. _Damn._ If they weren't in the middle of a war this would be much easier, she thought. Koska wasn't even sure why she still thought about him. It was clear it was over by her own actions and she'd never cross paths with him again. If Bo-Katan wasn't focused before, she certainly was now. They were getting closer and closer to being ready to strike; they were just missing a couple of sought after weapons and a handful more ships to pad out their arsenal. 

They had quite the fleet of ships already, but rumor had it there was an easy target only three systems away that was a sitting duck except for the fleet of tie-fighters that defended it. _Bo wanted it, so Bo would have it_. It had large deck cannons and multiple long range weapons as well, so they'd need to get in close with a smaller ship to take out the surface guns, before a landing party could come in afterward and take over. Over the last six months, Koska herself, Bo-Katan, and the ramshackle group of Mandalorians they'd amassed had collected huge powerful ships, but zero small gunners they needed access to now. They'd need help and the heiress to Mandalore hated asking for it, especially from strangers. Luckily, they knew someone who had a way with people.

.........................

Koska found herself beside the leader of their clan as she saw Djarin and Dune again for the first time in over half a year. They looked better than the last time she'd seen them, that was for sure. They seemed to have regained their perspective and found a new normal while the kid was away for training. They were also willing to assist Bo-Katan in her mission without bitching too much, which was what really mattered. 

Cara and Din had their own ship again now, but upon inspection it was also too large for tight maneuvers or dog fighting. Djarin didn't seem deterred though. "I know someone who would probably be willing to help," he said. "Give me a few days."

............to be continued in chapter two................


	2. Chapter 2

Turns out the universe wasn't that vast after all, or maybe certain people just tended to exist in similar orbits.

Next thing she knew, Koska herself, Axe, Bo, Djarin, Dune, and surprisingly Boba Fett were all standing in the cockpit of the Slave 1 looking at the holoprojection of their target: A light-class star destroyer that would be filled with short range tie fighters for defense. There would be some fancy flying and some fancier shooting involved to see this plan succeed. Bo-Katan and Axe had taken their helmets off, but the remaining three helmets stayed on. The appearance of one specific guest who owned this ship had thrown her off, and she wanted to observe him without giving anything away. This very public reunion was not what she had in mind when she imagined ever seeing him again and she wanted to get a read on him. They were doing a very convincing job of pretending like they weren't avoiding each other in the group. He said he was good at putting on a show.....well, so was she. 

They'd need to split up into teams, with one quick agile ship engaging the tie fighters and the other larger one going in for the kill. 

"Koska, you're a better shot than Axe, you go with Fett to take down those tie fighters," Bo-Katan tells her. She knew that was the easiest course of action and her leader must have known it too. Bo knew that man meant nothing to Koska by her own admission, so there’d be no distractions. Koska was focused and unshakeable. She always had been. 

"Got it," she replies, in her second-in-command voice. _She'd been entirely convincing._

"Still a lap dog I see," Boba taunts her from the pilot's seat. "Queen bitch warmed up any?" he asks her, in clear range of Bo-Katan. Koska almost felt relieved by how little had changed. _No worries there. He was exactly as she remembered._

Axe went to jump in, but Koska beat him to it. _So much for ignoring him...._

"Hold your tongue before you lose it."

"I've seen it all before," he argued smugly. "If she were a man, they'd say she's compensating for something with all those big ships."

Axe had the audacity to crack a smile against his best efforts not to. This man got under everyone's skin, but hers most of all. 

"I'd shoot you where you sit if this bucket of bolts could handle it," she says, knowing insulting a man's ship is a one-way ticket to a fight, "but I think it's held together by holotape and a prayer."

He lets out a low laugh that both gets a rise out of her and goes straight to her belly.

"With your aim? I think I'm safe right here. "

She had her hand on her blaster before she could even think better of it.

"You should be careful with that thing, little girl," he warns her, without even looking her way. "It's not a toy.... even if your mommy gave it to you."

"Fuck you." She can’t help herself. _This man knew how to get a rise out of her._

“This is _my_ ship, girl. There's the door if you need help finding it.”

They sounded like bickering children and she hated it, but she couldn't hold herself back and neither could he. They were talking over each other at this point:

"You couldn't find your own ass if you didn---

"At least I don't have to be let off a leash to--

All thought of playing it cool went out the window when she lunged at him and she took him to the ground; Axe jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting brought down too. Fett was heavier and better on the ground than she was and he managed to get her up against the console and a lever broke off under her weight. Bo had always described her as volatile on the best of days; explosive, on the worst, and Boba described her as a match strike away from exploding. He seemed to provide the spark. _'Easy to get a rise out of_ ,' he'd once said. She hated it when he was right and how her face felt hot when she remembered the throaty voice in which he said it. At least to everyone else it looked like they hated each other. 

Din got out of their way so they could get it out of their system. He'd seen it before-- normal clan-on-clan tussles or an old grudge that made a hair trigger fire off. Cara watched them with something else glimmering in her eyes, while Bo-Katan seemed more interested in getting the mission underway than the two idiots pummeling each other in front of her. 

"Enough!" she yelled, and Koska immediately backed off. She kicked the broken lever under the control console and pulled her helmet off for a second to catch her breath. Fett left his on. 

Their leader let out an annoyed huff. "Axe, you go with them too," Bo decides, cutting them off as she storms down the ramp. "I can manage the ship alone and no one else can tolerate that asshole." Koska flashed back to how they _'tolerated'_ each other more nights than not. "Keep them from killing each other," were Bo-Katan's final words, before she disappeared. Axe looked between the two of them squaring off and felt uneasy with his assignment. The air was practically crackling and Koska looked murderous--well, more murderous than usual. Bo had barely gotten back to the larger transport ship before Axe changed his mind. The look on Koska's face could melt steel or freeze Mustafar. He hadn't seen her that enraged at another person before without serious and bodily provocation. This guy didn't seem so bad, he thought, but he must have really gotten under her skin and Axe didn't need to witness a murder today.

"Change of plans,” he says, “I'm going with Bo."

“She told you to stay, so you're staying," Koska reminded him, and put her helmet back on.

"I'll risk her wrath," her clan mate says. "I don't want to have to peel you apart when you go at each other. Work it out yourselves."

He walked out and Djarin followed him. She guessed the teams would be Djarin and Dune, Bo-Katan and Axe, and Boba and herself. _Great. Just great._ Wanting to see him again and _actually_ seeing him again were very different things. She was half convinced she had been delusional and imagined the whole six weeks and how much affection they shared. Din took in the angry annoyed posture Koska was sporting. He couldn't see her face now, but she must have been seething from her body language. "You two got this," Din agreed as he too, went to leave. "Good luck."

Cara lingered around Koska a moment longer, waiting until Axe was gone and Din was out of hearing range. "It's hard to breathe with all the sexual tension.....am I right," she said, low enough Koska could just hear it. 

The younger woman kept her head still, but her eyes snapped toward the other dark-haired woman. "You're mistaken," she insisted.

Cara had seen this kind of denial before--Hell, she'd _lived_ it for years. "Maybe you should tone it down until you're alone next time. Just a friendly suggestion."

"Like you're one to talk," Koska reminds her, rudely. "It looks like you two are always one word away from fucking in broad daylight." 

Cara smirks, not offended in the least. "That's because we are."

"Ugh. Disgusting. No one needs to see that."

"You sure you don't want to watch?" Cara offers, clearly finding too much amusement in this, "get some pointers, maybe?"

"Either shut up or send a holovid," Koska tells her. Cara was a shit, but she almost liked her. She was clearly more observant than anyone else in their party. 

………………………

The door closed and then there were just the two of them; as standoffish as the first time they squared off. Bo-Katan's voice comes over the speaker where Boba patched her through for final instructions from the cockpit of her own ship. "Okay, let's get this show on the road. We rendezvous in two days...Take out as many of those fighters as you can Koska. We'll do the rest and meet back up on our new ship."

Boba flipped a switch to speak. "Roger that." He didn't even take a dig at her this time. That was progress at least. He must have looked forward to the action of the mission too--he liked being idle as much as she did. She wished she could have said she forgot all the ways they were alike, but she'd be lying.

Bo's voice came through one more time. "And don't kill each other," she added, as almost an afterthought. It was enough to get Koska's head back in the game.

Koska pushes the button in front of her to speak. "I guarantee nothing."

Cara's smug voice comes over, but she has nothing to add about the mission. "Offer still stands if you--"

Koska's hand shoots out to the red switch. "Ending transmission," she says, and cuts her off before she can finish that thought. She could practically see her damn smirk through the closed channel. This would be bad enough without imagining _that_. Getting herself worked up would just make this worse. Forty-eight hours without killing each other or ripping their clothes off seemed like an eternity, but she could do it. If she could just make it to lights-out she could relieve the tension on her own. She'd lasted four months without his hands or his sinful mouth, so she could make it a few more hours. She was glad both their faces were covered all over again.

Djarin's ship disappears first, and it's their turn next. "Making the jump to hyperspace," Fett announces, as he pulls back the lever to make the stars shoot by as a thousand streaks of light.

"You annoyed Axe right off the ship," she informs him shortly, once they are safely underway. "Congratulations."

He laughed. "That was _you_."

She flips him off.

She forces herself to focus on the touch screen control panel in front of her and not so much as look in his direction. "I'll plot the course before I choke you instead." She needed to keep her hands busy to not want to touch him, but he knocks her hand away as she opens the control functions screen. "You're doing it wrong," he tells her.

"Give me a break," she snips, "it's so easy an idiot can do it."

"I know, I just watched one try," he says. _His damn voice......_

"I'm going to punch a hole in your visor so you can't watch anything."

He doesn't sound convinced. He gives her an appraising look and snorts. "With those delicate little wrists?"

"Either watch an expert and learn something or stay out of the way, old man."

With that, she bent over the panel with more of her body than necessary; her backside pushing him out of the way to make sure he couldn't reach around her to get to the screen.

"Exactly what am I supposed to be watching?" he asked, when it became clear she was goading him. The view was more than a little distracting.

"Either me being right, or my ass," she says, with a teasing smirk refusing to creep through. "You pick."

He laughs, barely loud enough for her to hear it. "Your ass doesn't do it for me."

She couldn't help but grin at that. She knew she had him, but if she was winning, why did she feel so hot all the sudden? The rush of familiarity made her head swim--his voice changed when he was teasing her. She relaxed some, knowing their ways of communicating really hadn't changed. This was foreplay and she felt every inch of this space she shared with him and how small the cabin really was.

She takes off her helmet to get some air. "I see you're no less delusional."

He takes his helmet off too and looks at her for the first time since they went separate ways. 

"Your hair is different," is the first thing that came out of his mouth. It was so unexpected it took the sarcastic reply she had queued up right off of her lips. Her hair _was_ different but Bo-Katan had never noticed it. Her braids were slightly swept to one side instead of straight back. She was surprised he noticed such a small change.

“How kind of you to notice my hair at all," she says, in a sickly sweet mocking voice. "Anything else?”

"Yeah, you're a bitch."

She grinned at the compliment. "That's right. Don't forget it."

They set the rest of the controls independently but had to change positions frequently, almost brushing up against each other in the small space. Her skin was on fire. He must have also been aware, since the next time she brushed past him he caught her elbow. "If you're trying to cop a feel girl, try harder."

She snatched her arm back, but it took every ounce of self-control to do so. His hands felt good. "If I was _trying_ , you'd be on your back. Don't flatter yourself."

They worked just as well together going through the flight recordings they'd pilfered as they had those months ago. They studied the Tie fighter formations and formed a plan of attack. It was easy working alongside him and playing off each other's strengths. He was good at developing strategies and it showed, but he still ran them by her to get her take on it. This give and take was what she had missed--among other things.

"I'm shocked you're still alive," she says to him, when all the work is done. They can't avoid this reunion forever. 

"This is a good ship," he answers in reply.

"These bulkheads look pretty flimsy," she critiques, as she knocks against them in a half-assed inspection.

"They can handle pressure," he assures her, "a bit of trouble too."

"l'll believe it when I see it."

"Don't insult a man's ship, woman."

"Didn't mean to hurt your little feelings," she says, in a tone that suggests she's anything other than apologetic. 

He wasn’t apologetic either. "Don't worry, I know you can sound real sweet when you want to."

Her eyes burned a hole right through him. “You mean never?”

"You sounded really sweet in my lap."

"I have no memory of that," she states. "Maybe you dreamed it." That was total bullshit. Half of her memories and more than half her dreams revolved around being in his lap.

He turned his body to face her straight on. "You want a reminder?"

She'd had enough of this game. Fuck yes, she wanted a reminder. Several, in fact. She wanted him and it was getting harder to pretend that she didn't. Her hands shot out, yanking him against her by his top armor and backing up to the closest wall until his chest was pressed hard against hers.

“For the sake of not dying, we should probably check the integrity of these walls,” she decides, still wearing a neutral expression. In response, his hands grabbed her hips to pull them flush against his until they were pressed completely together. His face was right next to hers when he nodded in agreement. "Just to be thorough."

Only then, did she finally give in and let a smirk crawl its way up her lips.


	3. Chapter 3

She's not sure who's responsible for breaking the stalemate but it doesn't matter.

He's feeling her all over like he simply can't touch every inch of her fast enough. His strong hands are everywhere in and around the gaps in her armor, up her thighs, her ribcage, up her neck, and into her hair-- _they feel so good in her hair_. He tilts her head back to get a better angle and she closes her eyes to keep some form of control over the situation. There's no one around so she can let go, but she still has some dignity. That is, until his hips push hard against hers and she bites back an obscene moan.

_Fuck she wanted this._ _Her dignity could hop out the airlock if she could just get his pants off._

"That all you got?" she goads him, "pushing back against him just as desperately. "Stop the groping and give it to me."

"What happened to ‘I take what you give me’?" he asked, throwing her words from months ago back at her.

"I'm giving it now, and I want just as much in return," she tells him. She grinds her teeth together in desperate frustration. "I won't beg if that's what you're waiting for."

"Tell me you missed me then," he says, wet and hot against her ear.

"Not a chance," she promises.

He chuckles and it goes straight to her belly. She won't be able to think straight until she gets what she wants. 

"Tell me you missed ME," she counters, challenging him.

“Don't hold your breath, sweet face.” 

It'd be more believable that he didn't miss her if he could pull his mouth away from her throat for even a second. He was kissing and biting every inch of her smooth neck, which was the only exposed part of her so far. The rest was covered by cloth and steel, but they could fix that.

"Take this shit off," she says, as she tears at his armor to feel him against her, but she hated that it sounded like she was begging instead of threatening him. She could feel the obvious hardness pressing against her hip, proving he wanted this just as much as she did, but she wanted more of him. She couldn't get her hands on him fast enough and she was so worked up she _almost_ didn't care if he knew it.

They were both glad beskar couldn't break no matter how enthusiastically their hands were pulling at it. Once she got most of his off, she tried to not actually pop any seams of the fabric underneath with her exuberance. He'd gotten a knee between her legs and he grinded against her when she spread her legs further apart to rub against his thigh. "You're too old to take me against this wall," she told him, forgetting he'd take that as a challenge. At that, he wrapped her leg around his waist before hoisting her up and pinning her weight to the wall to get her other leg around him as well.

"Tell me that again,” he purrs, against the corner of her open mouth.

When her chest plate fell away and clattered on the floor, he finally got a hand on her and eagerly squeezed her breasts through the thin fabric of her jumpsuit. She hated that his other hand was busy holding her up--she wanted his hand in her pants more than she wanted to breathe. It only took another minute before their remaining armor was scattered all over the ground, long forgotten. 

"Bed," she demands, bucking her hips insistently against him when he doesn’t move fast enough for her.

"You wanted the wall," he says frustratingly. "Make up your mind, woman."

To anyone from the outside looking in, they appeared angry as they ripped each other's clothes off to get naked skin on naked skin as fast as possible before they burst into flames, but it was just desperate, not angry--just pent up tension finally getting released. He put her down so she could peel off her bodysuit, but she rushed it clumsily to get her legs back around him again. By the time she started shucking it down her legs, his pants were open and his shirt had long since been lost somewhere in the pile.

Only one of her legs was completely free from the jumpsuit before they couldn't wait any longer and came back together. The other leg was stubbornly hanging onto her boot she couldn’t manage to kick off. She got her panties halfway down her legs before he impatiently took over pulling them down her calves and laughed when they too, got stuck on her damn boot and tangled jumpsuit. She tried to kick them away, but they wouldn’t budge without stopping to take off her boot holster and unbuckle everything properly—and there was no time for that. She felt ridiculous with one leg naked and her jumpsuit and underwear hanging off her other leg but that was just enough for him to pull her bare thigh around his waist again as she shoved his pants down. It took some maneuvering, some awkward crouching, and standing on tiptoes to get everything lined up before the sounds of their frantic intimate reunion finally filled the cabin. Hearing her own ragged breathing mixing with his groans as they echoed in the small space, somehow made it even hotter as the sound filled her ears from every direction. Her eyes were shut for most of it simply because she couldn't manage to keep them open with all the sensations flooding her. The only thing that slowed the pace at all was when she had kissed him once he was finally buried inside her. He had kissed a hot trail up her neck and she turned her head on purpose to intercept his lips by willfully getting in their path. The kiss was sweet and overdue as their lips brushed over each other for as long as they could manage before her tongue found his and then all bets were off.

He took her against the wall of the cockpit until his legs were shaking with the strain of her weight and the awkwardness of the position. He only kept it up so long because of the way she clung to him and moaned every time his strong grip hoisted her up again. Once her frustrated and impatient sounds reached a fevered pitch, he eventually moved her weight from wall to the control dashboard so he could free up his hands to get her off too before he couldn’t hold off any longer. The whole imperial fleet could have walked by toward the end and neither one would have noticed or cared. They only made it to the small bed when the aftershocks wore off and they could finally stand again.

………………….

She slept the whole night. She couldn't believe she didn't wake up once. 

……………

In the morning, she felt him sit up behind her in the darkness of the sleeping compartment and blinked heavily to get her bearings. She felt her eyelids flutter closed as he brushed the wildly disheveled hair off her neck and replaced it with his soft lips. Her metal clip was who knows where and his hands had been buried in it, so there was no hope for it anyway.

"You know there's a mission we're supposed to be completing," she reminds him, though not really giving two shits herself. It never failed to impress her how he could shoot someone in the head one minute and then reach up to fix her hair the next. There was a fundamental shift when they were alone, and not an unpleasant one. She felt something shift in her too. 

His gruff obnoxious voice was always best when he first woke up. "Wait, there's a mission?" he asks, exactly as motivated as she was.

"This shouldn't happen again," she says, but doesn’t sound even the least bit convincing. She already felt that hunger welling up inside her again. It felt like she was being swallowed up by it. It was easy to let it take over.

"Nope," he agrees, as he kissed a warm wet line down her bare back, paying special to each dimple around each vertebra. "I don't even like you." She loved how he kissed her back and shoulders. There wasn't a stupid kissing sound when lips left her skin because they didn't _leave_ —they just worked their way across each expanse, one inch to another in a soft open journey. Her mouth was a different story--he kissed her like he was dying…..or maybe _she_ felt like she was dying. Either way, words were shit. They couldn't admit they missed each other, but they'd clearly missed some of this.

"You should probably get up and check the grid," she reminds him, with a less than gentle nudge to his shin.

He hums a sound of agreement against her skin but still makes no motion to get up. "Probably," he says.

She’s amused that he's not even pretending to get up. "You're not moving, idiot," she says. She hasn't moved either and their legs are tangled together, making it difficult. 

"Move your ass then,” he says, “you're in my way." She turns her back just enough to glare at him in the low light.

"No," she states petulantly, like someone told her to hand over her favorite blaster, and turns completely around to push his shoulders and crawl up his body. Everything between them is hot and sticky. 

"Bossy little shit," he compliments her, as he shifts to get comfortable.

"You need a shower," she tells him, feeling the evidence of their earlier reunion all over his stomach.

He runs a hand up the inside of her thigh, until he finds her own wetness that still lingered. It only takes two gentle passes of his fingers before she's just as slippery and hot as she was hours ago. "So do you."

She snorted and tried to ignore the heat spreading through her. "I was going to join you anyway, if you'd stop whining for two seconds."

There was no one for lightyears so she didn't have to pretend. This is what she wanted, and she _never_ got what she wanted, so she felt no guilt in being selfish and greedy for as long as possible. He stood up with her and she kisses him hard. She lingers against his mouth until she has to fight to breathe; then instead of pulling back, she takes a fast breath and kisses him again, moving her mouth under his until she hears herself moan into it. He leans into it too with a pleased sound and holds the back of her neck with both strong hands to prolong it. There was no one around to put on a show for--no one to convince she was unfeeling or unshakeable. She could let herself enjoy this a few minutes more. So could he…..

He makes a sweeping gesture that looks so formal it’s ridiculous with the two of them stark naked. “Ladies first.”

She shoves by him, knocking her hip into him on purpose. “I know you’re not talking about me.”

"My mistake. You're no lady."

………….

She was standing in the warm spray, reveling in the luxury of the hot water running through her hair for so long that he took measures into his own hands.

"Move," he tells her, so he can get in too. She bitches about it but moves a little toward the back wall to give him some room.

He puts his arms around her. “Good girl.”

“Call me ‘girl’ again and I’ll kick you in the face.”

"I'll make it easy for you then,” he offers, and lowers himself to the floor until his lips brush the tender skin above her knees, daring her to kick him like she threatened. 

The shower was too small of both of them to stand in, but that didn't matter since he spent most of it on his knees anyway. There was hardly any showering at all, she remembered. Every time she closes her eyes, she flashes back to his face between her legs and how she'd been incapable of speech or even simple thought for the next twenty minutes. She hadn't spoken outside of the odd enthusiastic instruction, but plenty of encouraging and erotic sounds had been pulled out of her. The challenge to make her knees give had been an admirable one, except they were both as competitive as each other and she cheated by taking over; her hands running over his scalp guiding the eager slippery passes of his tongue to get him exactly where she wanted him. Her hands ran over each line of every scar and tried to focus on tracing them to keep a clear head, but all thought disappeared when he decided to cheat next: removing her hands from his head and going rogue-- doubling down on his goal of making her shake and fall apart on his tongue. This was by far her favorite way to get him to shut up, she thought, even if it meant letting him be in control for a while. The cold of the tiles on her back had nothing on the heat overwhelming the most sensitive part of her that he was determined to worship with everything he had. He decided if she didn’t come at least twice before his knees began to ache, he was officially too old to live. _Luckily, he still appeared to have a few more years left….._

They wake up again hours later, wrapped up in each other after they’d made it to the bed and despite their sore muscles, gone at it once more for luck. They’d need a shower all over again, but it could wait. She's too comfortable to even consider moving for the next few hours. She hasn’t been this satisfied or this _tired_ in who knows how lo--- nevermind, she knew exactly how long. 

"So, how's the desert been?" she asks, quietly. It’s got to be the late afternoon or early evening hours by now, but it doesn’t matter either way.

He responds honestly. "Hot......dry...............................fucking sandy......"

She snorts, and the fact that she tried to hold it in and it escaped just made it even louder. 

The rude sound was so unexpected from her stoic face he can’t help but kiss **_her_** this time. He’s missed that rare sound when she couldn't keep her laugh in despite her best attempt.

"It's ....good, " he decided. _He wasn't used to good_. "It’s busy and it needs a hell of a lot of work to change to that wretched place into somewhere livable."

"What was it before?" she inquired. She had never visited that part of the planet outside the town and near the dune sea.

"A gaudy palace,” he describes disdainfully, “chains in the floor for slaves, bars for entertaining, prisons below ground--not my thing."

"And what are you turning it into?"

"A business,” he admits, with a scowl at how lame and economics-driven it sounds, “a place for regulating the different factions controlling shipping, piracy, and smuggling. Bounty hunting needs reform too, so it's not just a free for all contest of who kills who the fastest."

"Sounds very practical,” she says, honestly in the dark.

He’s not done. "There's so much extra space, I thought about going into bacta production or some large-scale manufacturing to bring some money and legitimate jobs into the sector too."

"Bacta _does_ need hot temperatures,” she admits from her general knowledge of the substance, “and you have that in spades with those two suns."

"I'd still have to worry about security, distributors, the books....." He shakes his head just thinking about the amount of work it'll require. "It'd take a lot of jobs and I hate people." He's just talking aloud to himself now, but she doesn't mind. She doesn't hate the sound of his voice by any means and he obviously needs to work out these details for himself. She stretches as she gets comfortable and he hears her neck pop.

"Roll over," he tells her.

"Again?” she asked with mock surprise. “How can you actually--" 

"Your shoulders, smartass," he says, chuckling at her youthful optimism.

He squeezes an especially tender spot and she lets out a decadently pleased moan. She’s almost limp against him as he works his way up her neck.

"You're so agreeable like this," he teases her, as he rubs her deeper and she turns to jelly.

“Fuck you.”

"I stand corrected."

She smiles and it lights up her whole face. She’s so tense and he finds satisfaction being able to help knead some of those knots out of her stubborn shoulders. She seems to have different ideas as her moans take on a very different turn under his warm hands.....

“Make that sound again and you're looking for trouble,” he warns her. _He’s only human after all._

“…such an asshole,” she says to her own chest, as her head is limply hanging forward in relaxed bliss.

“Don't be so hard on yourself, you have some decent qualities.”

She smiles again and is pleased he can’t see the magnitude of it. "Speaking of decent qualities, it sounds like you want to be a peacekeeper bringing order to Tatooine. You going to run for public office next?”

He chuckles at the ridiculousness of it all. "Hardly. I'm just getting too old for all the pointless bullshit and drama in the Outer Rim."

She ‘mmmmed’ as his palms moved up the sides of her face and into the fine hair at her temples. "It sounds like a lofty goal, but worth it when it's complete."

"I'm not very patient,” he tells her, “and it could take _years_..."

"Not with the right people," she suggests smugly.

"You volunteering that intimidating face of yours to the betterment of that shit planet?"

"I'm good at keeping idiots in line," she admits, "but we'd kill each other in five-day's time."

He chuckles at her honesty. He'd met a hell of a lot of people over the years, but he'd never met someone who infuriated and intrigued him like she did. "Three, tops."

...................................................................................


	4. Chapter 4

The next day in hyperspace

"You're doing it wrong," he tells her, without looking away from the controls.

"What?" she asks, as her hands freeze on his neck in the pilot's chair.

"You'll never snap it like that, girl. The angle’s all wrong."

She digs her thumbs in and follows the muscles up his neck. “If you don't learn when to shut up, I might try it.”

She digs her thumbs in again and he groans in surrender, so she rubs his shoulders until all the tension is gone and his head is slumped over by the end of it. She let her hands linger when she's finished and he rests his hand over hers where it’s resting on his shoulder. A long time passes before either of them dare move, and it’s Boba who loses the game of chicken when he runs his thumb over the back of her hand. They don't have to say anything to simply enjoy the moment of quiet they carved out for themselves.

Not even a minute later, a beeping alarm goes off and it takes them by surprise. They still had another day until they reached their destination, so was an unexpected guest that popped up on the grid out of nowhere. They knew it had been a risk coming out of hyperspace, but they were ahead of schedule and needed to kill some time, so they’d killed the engines to drift for a few hours. One glance at the code that appeared on their screen told them all they needed to know. "Approaching an unknown enemy ship,” Boba says, as they snap into action. It’s a long-range Imperial shuttle, so nothing they can’t handle. “Get to the auxiliary guns,” he instructs her, “time to shoot some Imps.” The chase went by without incident, but got in their way of time spent together--another reason to hate the Empire. 

"You know how to show a woman a good time," she snarks, as she takes inventory of how many blasts they still have stored away for their actual job coming up.

"Just you wait," he boasts, "after this I'll make dinner."

"Good,” she says, “you'll need your strength to keep up with me."

"You're trying to kill me," he states knowingly, "I'm on to you girl."

"Damn. You got me."

………………………………………..

Before bed

"I can't find my other sock,” she complains, as she looks through the bedsheets once more. She found the one, but can't find its partner anywhere.

“Maybe it's under the bed," he helpfully supplies, without lifting a hand to help from his prime viewing spot in the doorway. Her frustration was amusing and he knew he only had limited hours of it left.

She glared at him. "You just want me to bend over to look."

"Where's the lie?"

She curses under her breath and when he laughs at her she glares at him. “Damn, I can’t walk around with one sock.”

"Too bad," he deadpans. "You can live with one foot when the other freezes off."

She grabs a random set of socks sitting on the built-in-shelf and puts them on instead.

"Those are _mine_ ," he protests, and makes a half-assed attempt to grab at them.

"Not anymore," she says, as she wiggles her now warm toes. "Learn some generosity."

"Learn to respect your elders." 

"Fuck respect,” she decides. “Fight me for them."

"You really want to lose again?" he taunts her. Seeing as she was wearing his shirt and nothing else, that was a fight he'd happily sign up for.

……………………………….

Middle of the night cycle

She slept wrapped up in him, but even knowing this was her last chance to enjoy it, her mind wouldn’t slow down enough to stay asleep for more than half an hour at a time. She laid there to savor the rare feeling of comfort and warmth until she was so restless she worried she’d wake him up if she stayed any longer. They had spent quite the interesting afternoon, what with the surprise shuttle and the several rounds of energetic activities between the sheets. Her body was tired, but her mind simply didn’t get the memo. With that thought, she slid out of bed, threw on his discarded shirt she found on the floor, and softly padded toward the cockpit. Seeing all those happy families from the planets she visited with Bo-Katan during their hunt to find allies put into stark contrast the few nights she had gotten with this man before everything would go back to normal—and this was the last one. The darkness of space in the viewscreen highlighted the loneliness she’d return to after once again experiencing nights with someone beside her. It would be like that again tomorrow.

Bo-Katan was rounding up every Mandalorian she could find; taking them away from their happy homes to defend a rock that hadn't been theirs in years. She was beginning to wonder if a piece of ground meant more to Bo than all the lives it would cost to retake it. Koska herself might not have had that much to lose, but all those dumb innocent people did. All those happy people who volunteered had homes and families, but were honor bound to abandon them and help the heiress when she called. _It was wron---_

"You're awake," she hears him say, his voice coming from right behind her.

"Couldn't sleep," is the only explanation she gives. She must have been more tired than she thought, since she couldn't even come up with an insult. There was just honestly left at this hour--pure, ugly, and vulnerable. 

"You can _never_ sleep, Koska," he grumbles affectionately, against her shoulder. She can hear the warmth and familiarity in his voice he'd never admit to and she'd never admit to looking for. Her late-night bouts of sleeplessness or anxiety didn't bother him, but he kept tabs on them all the same, should they get worse.

From behind her, he reaches an arm across her chest, his forearm warm and heavy against her neck, and her hands naturally come up to wrap around it.

"Didn't mean to wake you up,” she says, distractedly. “I know you need your beauty sleep."

He’s not falling for her attempt at distraction. "What are you doing?"

  
"Just looking," she explains mildly. "I never get to see stars like this without someone breathing down my neck and no mission hinging on the very next moment."

Without stepping away from her, he uses his free hand to turn out all the panel lights so the thousand points of light are more visible. A thousand more blink slowly to life as her eyes adjust.

"You want to enjoy it alone?" he asks, quietly, not to disturb the stillness of the night.

"No. I don't," she says, before adding on a quiet "stay" at the end that sounded more like a question than a suggestion. The last time she asked that of him it had been their last night together too, and it was the same again.

It was like he could read her mind. "She really worth it?" he asks, right against her smooth cheek.

She hesitated only a fraction of a second. "....Yeah, she is." _How could he possibly know what was eating at her?_

He’s not convinced, but won’t insult her loyalty. "If the boot was on the other foot, she'd give up everything for you?"

Koska hasn’t really thought about it before……but only one answer will let her sleep later. "I have to believe she would."

He shakes his head sadly, moving her whole face along with him. "You're so young and you still have a chance,” he says, without any bite. “You should put yourself first and have what you want. Don't you know that?" They joked about age a lot, but he genuinely wanted what was best for her. There was no punchline to be had here.

"I _know_ not everything is about me," she informs him with a smirk.

"Bullshit, you act like _nothing_ is about you,” he corrects her. “You matter just as much as _she_ does." _More.....if he was the one judging._

She misunderstood his statement as one regarding leadership. "I could never fill her shoes," she states.

"You may be a sidekick, but you're a damn loyal one," he tells her, as his lips ghost over her temple. He could feel her cheeks wrinkle at the jab that was more a strange term of endearment by now—the creases he felt were the only evidence of her smile in the dark. "I hope she never lets you down," he says, with a heavy sigh. It wasn't a joke. He meant it. Once you got past her formidable defenses, Koska was one of the only truly good people he’d come across in twenty years.

"Thanks for helping," she tells him, in a rare moment of gratitude and idiotic sentimentality she'll surely kick herself for later. "You saved our asses taking this job."

The fact that she thanked him out loud was enough to convince him she must be beyond tired or possibly ill. "Come back to bed Koska," he says. “You should be sleeping. I'll drag you if I have to." The loose head lock he tightened was a joke, but the instinctive struggle it elicited was enough to snap her out of her mental fog. Bo commented on her sleep issues too, but never seemed to care more than pointing out the obvious--she certainly never tried to help her go back to sleep or talk her through her worries. 

Koska managed to turn her head and slip out of his choke hold as if it had been a real one. They didn't hold back when they actually fought, but there was no pressure behind their hits when they were like this. His strong forearm would have been immovable had he really been trying to drag her and not just to snap her out of her late-night anxiety attack.

As soon as she was free, she kissed him hard; maybe a bit too hard if his surprised ‘mmpfh’ was any measure. If she wasn't careful, he'd see how much she actually cared about him. _Maybe he already had._

"What's that for?" he asked, as he let his arms rest around her--not pulling her tight, but not wanting her to step away either. It was the perfect amount of freedom and pull--holding her tight enough she could feel it, but not too tight to be suffocating.

Her answer surprises him. "For giving a shit that I don't sleep."

"Look at you," he croons, rubbing his nose against the side of her face, "so soft tonight." That sweet tone he used was going to get him a fist to his face but it was worth it. It was funny that a compliment to any normal person was seen as fighting words for them both. 

"Shut up." She gives him a half convincing headbutt in rebuke.

"What's on your mind, sweet face?” he asks, “I don't want you to explode." 

When she didn’t immediately bristle at the name, he knew whatever it was must really be eating at her. She hated when he called her that, which of course made him use it even more often. A soft or sweet face was the exact opposite of a Mandalorian ideal of beauty and from the way he smiled when he said it, he knew just that. He didn’t tease her further though and just waited in silence. He didn’t have to wait long before she finally tried to put her thoughts together.

"You ever feel like there's something more than just fighting and surviving, but you don't know what it is?" _Those people on those nameless planets had it--they knew what it was. She could see it when she spoke to them and went into their cozy homes that oozed family and warmth, before watching as Bo convinced them to leave it all behind for the greater good. Even Cara and Djarin had it and they were the most argumentative and oblivious idiots she knew. The universe might actually implode before they figured out what they really were to each other._

The sound of Boba's deep voice caught her attention again. "Yeah. Everyone does at some point," he tells her sagely, respecting the seriousness of her question. He'd questioned his own mortality more than most, with the life he'd had. If he could use his shitty experiences to make things easier on the woman in front of him having an internal crisis, he'd give it a try.

"What do you do?" she asks. For all the age jokes, he did have more experience with pretty much everything though she'd never admit it.

"Try to enjoy what you have until it comes along."

She pulls back slightly to look at him. "What if it doesn't though?" _What if this was it? What if these brief visits were all the ‘something more’ she’d get?_

"It will,” he says, like it’s a simple fact she could rely on as much as the suns rising on Tatooine. 

“It comes by every once in a while when you least expect it……annoying as shit too." He didn’t have anything else to say on the matter, but she thought she heard him mumble, ‘steals your socks’ somewhere into the dark.

She couldn't help but laugh, though she tried to muffle it against the side of his face. She was rusty with that particular sound, but it was easier when he was around. _So many things were._

"Just so you know, I don't mean you,” he states rudely. “What a narcissist." 

She felt each word reverberate through her cheek where they were pressed together.

She laughed freely that time. "Fuck off, you're the narcissist."

"Get over yourself and let's get some sleep." She went with him gladly this time and actually fell back asleep before he did. It wasn't a fair competition though--it was obvious he was fighting off sleep long enough to see to it she drifted off without incident. She wanted to stay awake just to be a shit, but his hands combing through her hair knocked her out better than any sweet-tasting sleeping serum ever had.

_Maybe she was something to him after all, she thought, as she eased into sleep next to him one last time. She stubbornly refused to admit they had a full-fledged ‘thing’, but maybe they had just a little one….._

....................

The ship they're docking with now is the prize they just won. The last few days have all been for this.

Fighters destroyed.

Mission over.

Time to go.

They can hear the doors engaging, and this is their last moment. 

"I'll say it just this once, so don't get used to it," she tells him. "It's been good to see you," 

"Better than fighting and surviving?" he asks.

"Much better."

"Agreed."

Bo-Katan met them on the bridge after they had taken control of the star destroyer and they were sure everything was in place. All evidence of lovebites and patches of swollen or heated skin were under their clothes anyway, so there was nothing to worry about. Her armor was immaculate, and her helmet concealed everything else that could be read on her face--she'd even braided her hair back just in case. Bo-Katan never saw her socks anyway. If they could just avoid Dune's knowing eyes, they'd be home free.

"You're still alive," Bo says dejectedly, as she sees Boba Fett sitting in the pilot's chair. "I wasn't sure she'd be able to hold herself back. Good job Reeves," Bo praises her, clearly impressed. It’s rare that Bo-Katan pays her a compliment, so she remembered every one.

"We tolerate each other when necessary," Koska says, in response. She wanted to say they avoided each other, but she didn’t think she could say it with a straight face after spending every second touching or lying together the past few days.

Their departure this time was public. He was going back to Tatooine and she was continuing with her friend and leader. It felt so unsatisfying leaving it unfinished. _Again_. Whatever _'finished'_ was or what the endgame looked like for them, this wasn't it. Bo-Katan was preoccupied with the details and layout of their new ship, so they had a final moment almost alone.

"Don't get yourself killed," she said to him, just loud enough for him to hear it without looking right at him.

"I'll save your ass again if you need a hand," he offers.

She looks at him with a dubious look on her face. "Bo-katan won't ask for help again."

"Not her, **_you_**." 

She froze as she looked at him through the protection of her visor. That was more direct than she knew what to do with without prior warning.

She scoffs, since it feels like the safest response to an emotion she doesn’t have practice responding to. "I never _need_ help."

"Offer still stands," he says, avoiding Bo-Katan’s death-stare from across the room as he walks back to the controls so their ships can separate from each other and be on their way. Koska knew that was as close to a declaration that he wanted to see her again as she would ever get.

U _nder other circumstances, his words would fill her with something warm, but she knew they would probably never see each other again. That had been their second chance to get it right and they'd failed. She knew people like them don’t get a third……_

............................................

.............................................


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all the typos. I know it is riddled with them but I'm tired and going to bed :D  
> I'll fix them tomorrow.

Business was booming on Tatooine and the enterprise he set up with Fennec had been even more lucrative than he had thought. Despite that, he told Djarin he would help him again in the future if he needed him. 

Unsurprisingly, Din once again told him of a meeting that could benefit from his presence and military mind. He's no altruistic idiot, but he supposes he could do it in honor of his father and those other idiot Mandalorians who he didn't absolutely hate. It certainly wasn't because of **_her_**. He wasn't helping because helping the cause was helping her in any way. Any mission flown was perhaps a chance to cross paths with her beautiful scowling face, but that didn’t factor into his decision one bit. As much as he hated to admit it, seeing her again those months ago had been a welcome surprise, not that he'd ever admit that to her. In fact, he was pissed off at how easy it had been to return to what they had before. It would have been easier if he hadn't felt anything seeing her again or if she hadn't seemed to be happy to see him.

He couldn't believe the turn the last six months had taken, much less the past year. He never would have thought he'd find himself "involved" with a sassy fierce woman half his age who despite her self-proclaimed status of 'heartless bitch', was surprisingly easy to talk to and one of the most compassionate people he'd ever come across. Fennec, the only other woman he had any interaction with had been watching him closely with a funny look in her eye ever since he returned. She was shrewd and must have noticed something was different. He certainly _felt_ different. That Nite Owl made him care and it pissed him off. The fact that Fennec picked up on anything only meant he had to give more of an effort to wall it off. It was just another chance encounter, he reminds himself. Don't read anything more into it than that. They didn't have a _thing_....it was just nice to see each other again. It had been months since they claimed the star destroyer and he had yet to put it behind him. She'd even admitted it was nice to see him, which he knew must have cost her pride.

Din told him of another small mission they were planning for roughly six months down the line, and like an idiot, he asked for the coordinates of the weapons cache in question. The plan he was told was to meet up the night before and form their strategy. While he didn't give two shits about Bo-Katan Kryze, he could ignore her for the goal of helping the others. He didn't hate Din or Cara though, and might actually look forward to catching up with them again after the mission was completed. He definitely wasn't looking for any other familiar faces that might be there as well. 

………………………

It was so strange returning to normal after the mission. She had to _try_ to be Koska again, which was weird. She had to act like herself—the same resting bitch face as before, not cracking a smile or appearing to have patience for bullshit. It felt fake to pretend as if there was nothing different, but she had to prevent raising Bo-Katan's suspicions. She had been watching her like a hawk and she had to convince her nothing was amiss. She'd told Bo that time on Tatooine hadn't affected her at all and Fett had been less than nothing to leave behind, so she had to keep up the lie, still. There was a second layer of deception now too though. She had to convince her running that last follow-up mission with him had been nothing more than an inconvenience; a hurdle she forced herself to suffer for the good of the cause. She played unaffected and tried to be as much 'herself' as she remembered being. Her approach was to try being how people described her, cold, focused, and hard-working. 

She'd never admitted she missed him at night.... but she had a hard time sleeping these days. She missed having someone there. Bo was physically there but also _not there_ at the same time. She missed his stupid obnoxious arm and the warmth it gave her that even extra blankets couldn't provide. It was quiet without someone to talk to, bitch at, or snark back and forth with. _How was she so quiet before? she wondered_. She never felt lonely before, even when she **_was_** alone, so why did she feel lonely now?

"You're up a lot," Bo-Katan remarks one night. "Can't sleep?"

For some reason, sharing her lack of sleep felt wrong now when it had felt intimate before. The question felt invasive and yet superficial at the same time. Bo liked knowing things, but didn't seem like she'd do anything with the information other than squirrel it away. Maybe it was the person inquiring about it and not the question itself that felt wrong. "Yeah, just Insomnia," she tells her, brushing it off. She'd always had it since she was a child, so that was an easy lie to tell. The thoughts swirling around her head were too complicated to explain any more than that and her friend didn't ever ask.

...................................

Six months later.

She and Bo-Katan walk down into the underground room where they're about to meet another fifty-some-odd Mandalorians Bo-Katan put together with Djarin's help to form a plan for a ground assault of a large weapons cache on Trixa-4. Koska gets a drink and then looks around the room like she was trained to do for threats, available exits, and people she recognizes as friends or enemies. Her eyes zero in on the memorable silver armor on Djarin’s back. When he shifts, she sees Cara, but she's not surprised to see her sitting beside him. They were inseparable and that wasn't news to anyone. However, Cara's shoulder and the new signet on her armor was another story. _Well shit, she called that one, she thought. They finally figured it out. Good for them....._

It's not until the other woman attempts to stand that Koska actually forgets to take a sip of her drink and it almost spills down her chin. _Holy kriff, she's huge!_ she thinks. They more than figured it out it seems. They figured out how to make a whole other person by the size of her belly. That, or she ate a small moon.

She’s so distracted by the unexpected roundness in front of her she almost missed the hairs rising up on the back of her neck and she feels his eyes on her before she actually sees his body. Dune's unexpected appearance had totally blinded her to the set of green armor sharing their table.

Shit.

Shit

She needed her wits about her. It was totally unacceptable that she felt anything at all at seeing him unexpectedly. She and Bo-Katan approach the table of their ‘friends’ and Koska can feel the other woman’s annoyance already.

"Fett," Bo-Katan says, dismissively. 

"Princess...." he addresses Bo-katan, before turning toward her next.

"Side kick...."

Bo held out her arm in front of Koska in case she decided to jump toward him.

"What is _HE_ doing here?" Bo-Katan asks Din, the disgust evident in her voice. She spoke as if the green-armored Mandalorian wasn't there at all. 

"He volunteered to help," Din explains, "turning down another set of armor in the fight seems unwise, don't you think?"

She sighs heavily but reluctantly agrees. She barely turns her head to address Boba. "If you won't cause any trouble, fine," Bo-Katan decrees, "but the first time you overstep, you're done."

He laughs as if she just told a pathetic excuse of a joke. "I don't answer to you, sweetheart" he dismissed her smoothly, before looking back to Djarin like she wasn't even there. Koska felt a stab of something arousing at how effortlessly he managed to do it. 

Bo tilted her head toward a neighboring table and Koska followed so they could talk more privately. "I didn't know he'd be there," Bo tells her. "I would have told you ahead of time."

"Why would I care?" she asks, appearing totally uninterested. 

"I know he gets under your skin is all."

"He's nothing I can't ignore,” Koska informs her, matter-of-factly, “our priority is the weapons."

That seemed to be the right answer. She was either getting better at lying or it was just easier the more she did it and not due to skill at all. Bo-Katan smiled at her approvingly. "You always have a clear head Koska, despite your penchant to jump into a fight. You're not like them, you don't lose sight of what's important."

Koska had to force herself to pay attention and nod at the appropriate times. She had to convince herself that mind wasn't back at that other table wondering if what they had was still there or had fizzled out with time and distance…..that was ridiculous…… _‘get your head in the game, Koska’._ What _had Bo said? She never lost sight of what was important?_

"Never," she chimes in, without missing a beat.

………………….

"So, that's new...." Cara says to Din, when Fett leaves their table to get a drink at the bar.

"What?" Din asks, curiously at her mischievous tone. When she got like this it usually meant trouble for someone.

"Reeves and Fett," she explains, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The surprise in his voice says it all. "What are you talking about?"

"It's so obvious," she says, "how can you not see it?"

"See _what_?"

Cara is grinning that little smirk she wears when she's just won a hand of cards, but her opponent doesn't know it yet. “I _knew_ they had a thing.”

"They do _not_ ," Din insists. “You’re imagining it.”

She slaps down some credits. "Put your money where your mouth is if you're so sure."

He sighs and puts some credits down, but can't accept there's any way she could be right. Cara's never been wrong before, but this time she must be off.

"They hate each other,” he explains, “look at them."

Cara just grins harder. "I _am_ looking at them, and it's hot." _Din must have forgotten they tried to kill each other when they first met too._

"What is?"

"Look at the way she's looking at him...." Cara describes. She's actually getting turned on by the second-hand sexual tension that filled the room as soon as Koska walked in.

Din let out an amused snort. "Like what? Like she wants to kill him, you mean? If we left them in a room, she'd punch him in the face."

_Exactly like when they met, she thinks. Foreplay……_

"Only to get him on his back," she says, as she struggles to stand without knocking the table with her belly. "I'm going to investigate."

Din watches Boba Fett more closely looking for something Cara saw that he didn't. His visor kept tilting toward the other woman in question, but they annoyed each other to no end, and she tried to light him up once...... so it wasn't surprising he'd want to keep an eye on her. Fett comes back with drinks and Din forgets about the gossip as he watches the exaggerated sway of Cara's hips as she moves to where Koska was standing. She waddled more than she walked now but he only teased her about it in private. It was getting worse week by week, but he loved every second of it. Cara laughed at his protective machismo bullshit every time someone started at her stomach, but she was too amazed by her own body to begrudge his own worshipping eyes. It **_was_** pretty amazing and if he needed the reminder he was responsible for it, let him have his moment. 

Cara waits to make her way completely across the room until the other parties involved are all busy speaking with other people. When she gets to her destination, she casually stands in front of Koska and faces her back to the rest of the group so they can't read her lips. "You should be more careful if you're trying to fly under the radar." 

Koska had been as casual as she could possibly be, so she froze at the insinuation. _Damn Cara with her with knowing eyes. She was wearing her helmet too. How in the fuck?_

"What do you mean?" she asks, going for rude, but it comes across as guilty, even though her face is the picture of cool and unaffected. Bored even. She was usually so good at this....

To answer her, Cara tilts her head at Fett who's now talking with Din about who knows what.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the younger woman claims, pretty convincingly too, but Cara had seen it with her own eyes and couldn't be convinced otherwise.

"Of course not...." she plays along. "I'm a great wingwoman though,” she explains. “How long you want to catch up without Bo breathing down your neck? An hour? _Two_?"

"I don't need to catch up with anyone," Koska insists, but she’s actually intrigued at the other woman’s seemingly selfless offer.

Cara knew her game. She couldn't admit it yet, that was fine. Words were garbage. She didn’t need an admission to still make her offer. "You want to make a bet I can't trick Bo-Katan then?"

Koska looks unamused by the insinuation but her words don't match her face. She'd never admit to it, but Dune was trying to give her a chance to save face while still getting what she wanted. She knows it won't work, but plays along anyway. "You'll never get her away,” Koska informs her, “she’s too suspicious."

Cara was sure though. "How long?" she asked a second time. "I like a challenge."

Koska scoffed. She should have known this woman could make anything into a competition. “The whole night then," she challenges her, "if you’re feeling cocky."

Cara smirked at her. "Go big or go home, I like it. Follow me if you want to watch and learn."

……………….

Cara waits until Bo is next to their table where Koska has now joined them. "Bo, Koska….." she says, to get their attention, "you want to play cards until you crash later? I've been waiting to kick your ass in sabacc again all this time." Koska agrees with a roll of her eyes. "Sure, why not?"

"You in too, Fett?" Cara asks loudly, getting his attention.

He nods. "I'm always happy to relieve you of some extra credits."

She turns to the only other woman next. "Bo, what about you? Up for a high stakes game and getting shit-faced? You can Koska can sleep on the floor if you 're too drunk to make it back to your room. I won’t be drinking so I’ll mop the floor with the both of you."

The heiress wrinkles up her nose in distaste at their idea of low brow entertainment. “No thanks. I'll catch up with you tomorrow Reeves, feel free to go ahead."

Koska knew she'd turn her down Dune’s offer, but still let out a breath that she’d actually pulled it off. 

Cara turns to her.... _whatever Din was_ ….next. "Din, grab some booze and I'll set up the table...." Djarin wasn't even in on it but he played along, following Cara’s lead. They must have had some kind of silent communication. It was effortless, and Cara would be insufferable now. The look she gave Koska was the most smug thing she'd ever seen. 

Bo-Katan nods to her and sees herself away from their table, just as Cara knew she would.

………..

Wherever there's a group of Mandalorians, there's bound to be a fight and they don't have to wait long for the inevitable to take place. A brawl breaks out at the bar and Bo-Katan jumps in to pull the younger dumb ‘kids’ out of the fray before they get their asses handed to them. All in all, it's a pretty typical gathering of Mandalorians. Koska needed a good fight too, but she needed to get away more. It was a good distraction to slip away and Cara had provided an even better alibi she wasn't going to waste. Boba seemed to have a similar thought, as he caught her eye and motioned with his head toward the door.

She followed him back in his room and closed the door behind her.

"You're still alive...." she says, in their standard greeting by now.

"No shit," is his equally sweet response.

"So, we going to play cards the rest of the night?" she asks, even though there weren't any cards in sight. They had the whole night since Bo-Katan wouldn't look for her if there was even a chance she'd get roped into something as uncivilized as a drunken card game.

"You have other ideas?" he asks, already reaching toward her hips. Her while body felt hot waiting for the contact.

He was only a few inches taller than her but couldn’t be more different. He was solid. Wide, thick chest, broad muscular shoulders, large hands. It was convenient she could pretend it was just the amazing sex she was after. It was certainly easier than accepting everything else she felt come rushing back around him. "Shut up and give me what I want," she growls, as soon he pulls her against the firm length of his body. 

"And what's that?" he asks.

"You," she said, and cringed as it slipped out before she could censor herself or pretend to not care either way if he stayed or went. _Shit. She lost_. She slipped up first, but he didn't give her shit over it--he just kissed her instead; over and over until she was dizzy with it. By the time he pulled back, she was desperate to feel it again and desperate for more. The pull was insatiable, and the night felt rushed before it even began. As soon as they touched it was so explosive, she was surprised they didn’t have at it right there on the floor, but they _just_ managed to make it to the bed before she pulled him on top of her. Both their hands were greedy and desperate ripping each other’s clothes off and there was practically no foreplay at all, but she was so wet by the time he touched her it didn’t matter. Of course, the sex would no doubt be amazing and mind blowing as always, but they clung to each other and seemed reluctant to let go from the full body embrace to get the show on the road. She didn’t even bother counting how many times they had each other before they fell asleep. After the second time, everything just blurred together into one continuous feeling of warmth and pleasure and desire. They were equally matched in how much they wanted this reunion and it seemed they both needed the contact and the reassurance it was real. The feel of him inside her and all around her was fiery and hot but the feel of being draped over his chest as they fell asleep generated the same amount of heat, just a different color of flames. 

The next time, several hours later, his inhibitions are obviously lowered as he pulled her selfishly to him instead of waiting for their inevitable pull that was characteristic of their times together. His arms tighten around her in the dark and his voice sounds rough with pure desire. “Want you….”

“You have me,” she laughed at him, but let him pull her close and lose himself inside her. She lost herself too, but neither of them were really lost as long as they were lost together.

The hours before the sun came up were slow and lazy. She knows she should sleep but for once doesn't mind staying awake at the unusual hour. "You got the place running again?" she asks, referring to his business venture on Tatooine. "Tell me about it." She kept her eyes closed and just listened to his voice as he told her everything. 

"Sounds nice," she admits, when he'd told her all the things that had changed in the last few months. 

There were times when they were around the others and she wondered if all this was even real. They did such a good job of hating each other in public, but they were getting sloppy if Cara could see through it so easily. He had a soft spot, _the tiniest one_ , for her--the same shape as the one she had for him. She doubted it'd ever be more than these surprise nights, but she cherished the chance for this rare softness all the same. It was exhausting having to be Koska all the time, but it was worth it for these chance moments. She didn't know how many more of these they'd get since everything was coming together for the seige.

When the sun came up and they couldn't put off the morning any longer, they dressed slowly. She climbed atop him once more for old time’s sake and laughed when he voiced something exactly along those lines. If anyone found her now, she didn’t care. She didn't want to rush to leave. 

"You seem distracted," he points out, as he tries to smooth her hair away from her unfairly beautiful forehead in the small mirror. She'd given up on her braids last night and just took them down and the loose hair was untamable. "More than normal, I mean."

She was surprised he could see anything written on her expressionless face. She was always told she was impossible to get a read on, but not to him apparently. "The fight is getting close is all," she admits. "I'll be there but, I'm not looking forward to dying for a rock and some soil."

He tells her what she already knows but can’t believe. "You don't have to, girl." There was no blaster to her head and yet she still clung to her honor and her pride and her word. He used to be like that too. He admired her stubbornness and her fight for what she thought was right, but he could see the cracks forming under the surface. He hoped those cracks weren't because of him, but there was no denying she’d crawled under his skin as well.

"Of course I have to," she says, but instead of it sounding loyal it sounds resigned. "Sometimes things are bigger than a single life," she tells him, and it sounds disturbingly like something Bo-Katan would say.

He turns her to look at him, so he knows she’s listening. "And sometimes they _aren't_."

She sighs. "I know what I signed up for and the importance of the cause........it's just......some days when Bo isn't around it seems less important than what I want."

"What _do _you want Koska?"

She glared at him thinking he was teasing her, but she saw that he was being serious. "You know, no one's ever asked. I don't know." She'd never let herself think about it too closely. It's easier not to think about what you'll never have than to dream of impossible things. It's also easier to deflect the question back at him. "What do _you_ want?"

He laughed. That one was easy. "Things I can't have." 

She smiled at his predictable response. "Greedy bastard."

"You can be greedy too." He pulled her back to him and just stood there for the last few minutes they'd get for who knows how many months this time.

There was so much she wanted to say before they lost their chance, but none of it made its way out. ‘ _How do I say this means something without saying the words?’she thinks._ She can't.

She knows she can’t.

She can just be here with him and hope that's enough. Choosing to spend her few precious hours with him had to send some message, or at least she hoped it did. He always seemed to see through her when she tried to hide, so she hopes he can see through her now too when she wants him to see everything beneath the surface.

She hands him his helmet before grabbing her own.

"Time to go do stupid shit."

"Let's do it."

.....................

When the mission is over and the adrenaline from the fight wears off, it's clear they barely made it out alive. They'd fought well beside one another though. The compound was theirs and with the latest collections of heavy artillery they just acquired Bo had even gone so far as to say it was one of the last missions before the ultimate one. Koska felt a rush of something that wasn't fear-- _she knew how to deal with_ fear--it was that feeling when you know you're trapped but you laid the trap yourself so you have to see it through. The feeling of knowing something was coming to an end was the same feeling she'd felt on Tatooine those months ago, but it was so much worse now. Retaking Mandalore wasn't a far-off dream anymore, it was happening. So many people would be lost…..

"You know where I'll be if you need to find me," he tells her, as their groups breaks away to return to their respective ships and head home.

"Don't expect a visit or put out the good towels," she tells him, with a barely concealed smile. As much as she'd like a reason to visit that dustball planet, she's not going to find one. 

He scoffs. "If you make an appointment, I can teach you how to shoot at a target and not miss. You need it, from what I saw earlier."

She hissed at him and turned to leave. Her leader was far enough away she couldn’t hear their words, but saw their tense body language and the fierce look of spite on her protégé’s face plain as day. _They were getting good at this._

These chance encounters should be satisfying but they were the opposite. They didn't have the time and freedom they had those first six weeks when they had nowhere to be but together and no one to be but themselves. She wanted more, but knew this was the best they could hope for with the cards they'd been dealt. _Well, this was her life--a life of duty and responsibility sprinkled with moments of clarity and selfish happiness. It was pretty nice, all things considered. It could definitely be worse....._

……………….

Five weeks later, it's worse. She's on a mission with three other Owls when they find themselves up on a catwalk, moving in formation toward a set of blast doors on the far side. They must have given their position away because next thing she knows, the sound of rapid fire fills the air. She looks down from the immense height to make sure they can't be ambushed from below and for the first time in her adult life feels dizzy enough she couldn't aim. She had to stop to grip the railing in the middle of the firefight and realized it was a mistake a second too late. She takes a shot to her helmet and it rings her head so hard she almost pukes. Her jetpack sensing her falling was the only reason she didn't fall to her death when she tipped over the low railing. 

Bo looks at her head later once they've regrouped, clearly disappointed she managed to take a shot and not avoid it like she’d been trained. There's huge black contusion caked in dried blood from the helmet impact. Her prized possession saved her life, but she'd be out of commission for a day at least. 

"You're sitting the next one out," Bo tells her, without any room for discussion. ""Get checked out and then you can come back. This looks nasty."

"I'm fine," Koska insists. She knew she at least had a good concussion, but the bleeding had thankfully stopped.

"That's wasn't a suggestion, Reeves. Go."

………….

She reports back to her more than an hour later. "I won’t be going on the next mission," she states, as soon as her clan leader looks up from the holoprojector.

Bo-Katan sounds annoyed, but accepts it and looks back down to her half-finished map she was annotating by hand. "The head wound was worse than they thought?"

"I wish...." she replied mysteriously. Taking another shot to the head was looking pretty nice right now after what she just learned.

Bo gives her an annoyed look as if she's wasting her time every second they stand there. She's never had an ounce of patience and it wasn't going to magically sprout now. Her eyebrows make the shape Koska knows as her _annoyed_ look that says, **'well......? Hurry up.'**

Koska rolls her eyes and just spits it out. "I'm pregnant."

Bo's face would be funny if Koska wasn't so upset. Bo-Katan blinks hard several times like her brain can't compute what she's just been told.

"What?" Her voice held no emotion, whatsoever.

"I'm pregnant," she says again, crisp and clear. 

Bo's face changes from denial as her lips tighten into a straight line that shows her judgement and displeasure in equal amounts.

She curses under her breath before turning her ire, or disappointment, or whatever it was on Koska. "Foolish girl. I thought you had better judgement."

It’s Koska’s turn to roll her eyes. "I don't really need a lecture, right now."

The leader of their group sighs, clearly annoyed at the inconvenience, before taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. "It's fine," Bo says authoritatively. "This can be easily fixed."

Koska's eyes which had been on her friend's pursed lips that had all but disappeared, snapped to her eyes. "No. _" It could not be easily fixed. Nothing was broken._

_"No?"_ Bo-Katan asks, as if she's never heard that word before--she certainly hadn't from Koska _._ "What do you mean, _no?"_

"I mean, **_no_** _,"_ she said, more firmly. _"_ There's not going to be any _fixing_ it. There's nothing that needs fixing."

Bo's voice was filled with ice as she leveled an accusation she didn’t think her capable of. "I _thought_ you were true to our cause."

Koska looks at her in disbelief. "I haven't _betrayed_ you," she says indignantly, "I'm having a baby."

Her leader and old friend lets out a heavy sigh as if she'd just been told someone had died. 

"Very well. Consider yourself relieved from your duties." The other woman returned to working on the map and if nothing had even happened. That was it. The tie between them had been cut. A handful of words and it was all gone. 

Koska wasn't hurt--there wasn't time for that--she was **_angry_**. She knew she should hold her tongue, but she can't manage it. "A lifetime of loyalty, and _this_ is how you pay me back?"

"You're useless, like this," Bo spits at her, "to me and to Mandalore."

"I'm not choosing you or _Mandalore_ over my own child!" She knows it won't change Bo’s mind, but she has to say it out loud anyway for her own dignity. 

She wasn't even looking in her direction any longer, when she uttered the words that signaled the conversation was over. It was **_all_** over. "You're dismissed."

Koska turned to leave before she did something truly regrettable, but she barely made it one hallway over before she had to stop and lean against the wall. She was still dizzy from earlier and the medic had wanted her to stay, but she'd left the medical wing early so she could tell her friend her discovery in person. Something so important, so life changing, should be shared with family first, or the closest thing to family she had......

It had been a mistake. She knew Bo-Katan was power hungry, but to turn her back on people like this.....? This wasn't the leader she would follow to hell and back…… She wasn't expecting comfort per se, and definitely not a hug, but at least something positive from her friend who was also her family. She really thought Bo would have put her at ease or at least said they could make this work and things would be okay, but instead she just cast her away once she wasn't deemed useful any longer. _What in the actual fuck? She was an idiot; it was clear now._ Koska had always defended her--telling people she wasn't _cold_ \--she was motivated. She wasn't a _bitch_ \--she was a leader. She wasn't _heartless_ \--she was focused. Turns out she'd been wrong. She loved her too much to hate her, but she wasn't sure she'd ever believe in her the same way as before. _Her only family......_

_Though she supposed that wasn't true. If everything went well, she would have a son or a daughter who would love her unconditionality... Someone she would never disappoint or be disappointed with......_

She heard his baritone voice in her head as if he were right there. _" I hope she never lets you down."_ Once the vertigo had passed, she set her face in a calm neutral expression and walked out of the main living quarters toward the shuttle bay, ignoring everyone who greeted her along the way. She was too proud to beg and she wouldn't stay where she wasn't wanted.

...................................


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this is me rushing to post in the middle of the night. Sorry about the typos and patchy dialogue. I'll give it a good edit tomorrow when I'm caffeinated :)

...................................

Fuck.

Boba needed a just single day of everything not going to shit. Was that too much to ask? He ran not only the bounty hunting operations, but also the smuggling rings and had eyes and ears on weapons trafficking as well. He preferred the more hands-on dealings, so he let Fennec handle the parts that required more 'finesse'. He hated that interpersonal shit, but it was everywhere. Maye he'd take a few bounties himself just to go out and shoot something.

"There's someone at the door," Fennec announces from the ground level. He can hear her voice carry all the way down the stairs and into the throne room. _How pretentious, he thought._ Audience chambers sounded better. Fennec only kept calling it the old name to piss him off.

"Make them go way or shoot them, whatever you prefer," he tells her. He was feeling generous today so she could do what she liked. She needed a bit of fun too.

"It's....one of the blue Mandos, I think," her voice answers down the stairs.

"What?"

"Not the uptight bitch," she clarifies, "one of the other ones. Koska, maybe?" 

"She's alone?"

"Looks like it."

"Let her in."

Koska nods to Shand in a brief greeting, before she showed her down the staircase to where the boss usually sits. He's standing though, which is unusual. 

“Hey,” she says, as he comes into view. He was right, this place was gaudy and ostentatious, but he looked good, if not tired. 

"What can I do for you?" he asks.

"You told me I could find you here if needed to."

He told Shand to get them a drink and take her time returning. She was no bartender or drinks girl, but she knew what he was doing and went along without much fuss for now. He was sure he’d hear about it later though. 

Her face looks rough and her eyes don't look full of confidence and sass--they look empty. "What do you need?" he asked the Nite Owl more welcomingly, when they were alone.

"I don't need anything I just wanted to tell you that--"

He cuts her off as he thinks of the only thing that might put that look of despondency on her face. "What? Bo-Katan's dead?"

She almost snorted. "No," she chokes out at his guess and a miss. If she hadn't been so numb, she probably would have laughed. "Kriff.....no one's dead."

He wasn't convinced. "You look like someone's life just ended."

That was an interesting way of putting it, she thought. "Quite the opposite," she tells him, enjoying the last moment where things were funny and simple. "I'm pregnant."

He doesn't say anything. For the first time since she met him, he's totally silent.

"I'm going to have a baby," she says to fill the silence, " _your_ baby. I just thought you should know."

He knew she wasn't lying. Her face said it all. No one, not even the most accomplished lair, could fake that level of uncertainty, acceptance, and resignation all-in-one. That look of loss and discovery thrown upon her at the same time wasn’t something she could wear like a mask.

He'd been careless in their time together-- _they both had_ \--but this was on him. He'd done this. The defensive part of his brain wanted to blame her—wanted to say she distracted him, made him forget everything--but she didn't do this. When they were together nothing else seemed to matter or exist and because of his carelessness, she'd have to suffer for it.

He didn't know what else to say, so he went with the truth. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," she said, and he was more than a little surprised to hear it. She meant it though. The outcome had been a surprise, but not a terrible one, all things considered. Her voice was perfectly stoic and calm as she explained how she discovered her current predicament. For as upset as she must be, there was no outward evidence of it. "I'm not sorry," she says, one more for good measure.

"What are you going to do?" he asks her, as his brain catches up to the repercussions of her news, "you can't keep fighting like that."

"Bo-Katan 'kindly' granted me a leave of indefinite absence from the Nite Owls," she informs him, matter-of-factly. From the way she spit it out he knew there was not one ounce of kindness involved. It was a permanent leave and she knew it--they both did--but he couldn't tell her that with how terrible she looked. If she needed to hold on to the belief that she could go back one day, he wouldn’t ruin her illusion. If he ever hated that bitch Bo-Katan, it was now.

"I'm not shying away from this," she explains. "I don't know how to be a mother, but I can learn."

"You're really giving up the fight?" he asked her, in disbelief. "That's all you've ever known."

He remembered the story of her life she'd told him in her bed like it was yesterday. Those first few weeks had been a battle between him wanting to learn more about her and pretending like there was no point since, it would be over any given day. Maybe that had been the first time he realized she was really special. After everything she had been through, and the horrible story of her youth, she still had so much goodness--so much _fight_ where others would have given up. There was so much kindness buried under there, where others would just have cruelty. Her face could be menacing, and her stare could make a grown man step out of her way, but underneath it she was generous. She cared about people. She fed the stray lava meerkats and gave spare credits to the kids on the street. She looked intimidating as hell, but that was because she'd had to be with the cards she’d been dealt....

He thought she was more than selfless now; giving this tiny thing a chance at life, when she had other options available to her. It wasn’t lost on him that many women would have made a different choice--an easier choice--but not her. She was brave and compassionate even to her own detriment. She faced things head-on and this life changing event was no different. He admired her strength but didn't envy the long road ahead of her.

"Bo already thinks I betrayed her," she explains, “but I've followed her all these years and just like that, it's over. I'll try to come back when I'm able, but she's said she doesn't want to see me until I can --and I quote her-- 'get my priorities straight'.”

"She's a bitch," he says, but that's not a strong enough word to say what he really thinks about her: she’s a coward, a traitor, outright dishonorable in her very foundation. Turning your back on someone who needed you and trusted you in favor or a larger goal doesn’t make you a strong leader, it makes you pathetic. 

"Yeah, she is," she agrees with a hint of a smile, "but she's been the only family I had for a long time. I'd thought about what it would look like if I ever left one day, but it wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't _leave_ , she kicked me out. It hurt, I can't lie and say it didn't." Besides Bo, the only person who meant anything to her was Axe, but she hoped he didn’t question her disappearance too much, for his own sake. There was no point in him throwing his life away on her account. People got banished all the time and he’d recognize the signs of disappearing without a word—he’s seen it and knows the rules: you don't reach out to them, try to find them, or even mention their names; it was as if they never existed. She hoped that idiot had enough common sense not to question Bo on her decision…..

Boba felt like he'd been kicked in the ribs at how uncertain this brave and confident woman seemed because of her selfless choice to give this kid— _his kid_ \--a chance. He didn't know anything he could do to make this better..... but he was sure he could come up with something if he hasn't been so blindsided.

 _A baby......shit_........ _He still can't believe it._ _What is it that babies need? Food, water—no, just milk. Blankets, clothes.... diapers....a datapad?”_

Fennec comes in and startles at the unfamiliar presence still in the living space that Boba doesn't seem disturbed by. He usually hates anyone in his space. Koska looks up at the entrance of the other woman, and seeing Fennec reminds her that she's lingered far longer than she had intended. Shand’s far enough away she’s not attempting to eavesdrop, just making sure things are okay while maintaining a respectable distance with one hand on her blaster. Koska turns back to Boba. "Sorry for the intrusion. I just wanted to deliver the message in person."

"You don't think she'll come after you, do you?" he asks her. He didn't know the lengths Bo-Katan would go to if she thought someone betrayed her.

"No. I don't." She didn't even exist to her anymore until she was useful again. The heiress to Mandalore had better things to do than hunt down a pregnant woman or her child. 

"What is your plan?" he asks her with visible concern, before she's taken two full steps toward the door. He cares where she'll go from here--baby or not. She's a good person who deserves better than living ship to ship on credits after being discarded like a piece of trash.

"I'm staying with Dune and Djarin for a while," she tells him. "I can help them with their baby when it's born, and they offered to return the favor. It seems like a pretty good deal all things considered." She sounds like she has it all planned out as they walk closer to the stairs and she starts to climb them. "I can practice with their kid when it's born and at least figure out how to hold the damn thing. I'll give you my comm signature if you ever need to get in touch, but don't feel like you have to. I got this." Once she turned the corner at the top of the stairs, she was gone--her footsteps retreating back down the long hallway to the exit.

He wanted to say _'stay here_ ' but he knew 'here' was a terrible place. He could go with her maybe once things got settled--they never talked about being together because they had simply been at war before, but that’s a possibility. Ever since those first few indulgent weeks, they'd never gotten to just **_be_** without a looming separation and nebulous future reunion off in the distance. If they weren't constantly being pulled apart, was it possible they could try _being together_ , instead of looking forward to being together?

He had no idea what he was doing, but like she said, he too could _learn_ , and a second set of hands had to be helpful, right? A place to stay sounded like the lowest effort, but he could do that—start there at least. He just had to catch her……

"What did she want?" Fennec asks as she approaches him, but as she reaches him, he brushes past her out of the room to follow their guest. 

He felt like he was breaking her confidence even though it was his secret too, and he didn't keep secrets from Fennec.

"Ask me in a minute and I'll tell you,” he tells his associate, “I need to catch her before she leaves." 

He keeps a hold of his helmet in one hand and goes after her. He catches up to her just before she reaches the outside. 

"Stay here for a few days," he tells her.

Koska scoffs at the offer. "I don't need pity."

"It's not pity."

She cocks her head stubbornly. "--or charity."

"It's not charity either," he insists. He forgot how argumentative and contrary she could be when she was defensive. 

She takes her helmet back off to glare at him properly. "I don't need you t--"

"Oh, for fuck’s sake woman! It's not a hand-out. Just regroup here before you catch another shuttle."

“Ugh, fine.”

…….

He comes back with her at his heels and heads to the hallway that holds the living quarters.

"What are you doing?" Fennec asks him, seeing Koska following behind him.

"Getting a room ready for her. I'll explain later."

He ignores Fennec’s confused glare, and beckons Koska behind him. "Follow me and I'll find some clean sheets and towels."

She stands beside him in his room as he pulls some sheets from the closet.

"You're free not to, and there are other private rooms, but I'd like it if you stayed with me,” he tells her. “We have things to talk about." Admitting he wanted her close by was harder than he thought it'd be, but they were alone so it was doable.

"Sleeping together is what got us here in the first place,” she states, with the closest thing to a smirk he’s seen on her face today.

"I'll try to keep my hands to myself then."

She huffs. "Don't bother. That bantha’s left the gate. The circumstances are not what I'd planned, but it's not terrible seeing you..... or your hands." She takes the linens he’s holding and puts them down—she’s happy staying in his room and hopes the gesture makes it clear.

She tried to inject some humor into this surreal and weird moment, but he was too distracted by getting a look at her face close-up.

Except for the braids across her forehead, she looked like a different person. She was pale, her cheekbones were more pronounced than normal, probably from dehydration, and she'd never looked so tired--not the kind of tired that sleep could fix either.....

"You look terrible, Koska." He didn't just mean the green and purple healing wound that was still apparent on her forehead. 

"Yeah, I know."

"Where's the comeback?" he asks, "aren't you going to say I look worse?"

She cracked a smile. "I'm just tired." It'd been a long trip here, and in the safety of his room the adrenaline and fight were seeping out of her at an alarming pace. 

"I'll put it on your tab then," he offers. "That mouth of yours won't stay shut forever."

She finally cracks a smile. "Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I'll try." By then, he had pulled her against him and she leaned heavily against his shoulder. She didn't even try to fight or appear like she didn't need it.

"Shut up." She refuses to be weak and doesn't lean on him more than necessary, but lets her eyes close briefly. She tells herself she'll only let herself enjoy it for a moment, but next thing she knows, she's in his bed and the covers are up to her neck. How he maneuvered her laying down, she'll never know. Her boots are gone too. She wiggles her toes....her socks are missing.

"I'll wake you up when food's ready," he says from the doorway.

She makes a contented, "mmm" at the mention of food, but she's already asleep before he can say anything in response. 

……………………… 

Shand is in the hallway, waiting on him when he closes the door behind him.

"What the kriff is going on?" she demands. She felt she’d been more than patient thus far.

"Reeves is staying here for a few days,” he explains. “That queen bitch exiled her."

 _Shit_. Fennec felt for her. That was a rough break. Bo-Katan could walk off a cliff for all she cared, but Koska didn't seem too bad. Blind loyalty was a character flaw, but not the worst one to have. "What did she want with you?"

“She's pregnant.”

Shand looks even more confused and wasn’t putting it together like he hoped she would. “But….what's that have to do with _you_?”

He turns toward her and gives her an incredulous look that says ' _seriously_?'. It's only after he stares a hole through her for several seconds does she catch on. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her eyes so comically large before. 

“You and the Nite Owl?” she asked in complete shock. He knew she didn't mean any offense by her genuine surprise. After all, he knew what Koska looked like and he looked in the mirror every day.

"Yeah." Though he supposed that wasn't her title any longer, and calling her that just rubbed salt in the wound of everything she'd lost because of him. She'd had to give that life up because he hadn't been able to keep from having her every time they were in the same space. It was so easy to forget everything each time they met up. He wasn't sure what they had, but it was something-- _something_ _good_ —and now the consequences had finally caught up with them both.

“Oh........you're fucked my friend,” he hears Fennec say, as she puts it all together.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Fennec isn’t through scolding him though. "I **_told_** you you were being careless those months you disappeared every night....I didn't know that's who it was with though." She pauses as she does the math. "That was practically a year ago, you saw her again?" she asks, as casually as she can manage with the thought that just struck her. Fennec was no idiot and she liked Koska just fine, but if she was trying to fool him into thinking this was his child when they slept together a year ago, she would call her on it. Boba Fett was an asshole, but a good man when it really mattered, and he didn't deserve to be made a fool of or be ripped off if that's what this girl was after.

"Yeah, I saw her again," he admits.

Fennec isn’t sure which time he’s talking about. He goes out on his own pretty often. "When you flew that mission, like what, seven months ago?" she asks.

He nods. "And again when we met up with the other Mandalorians a month ago….."

"It's been going on that long?” she asks, clearly surprised, and maybe a little impressed. “I'm not judging, I just didn't you know you two were a thing."

That earns her a glare. "We're not."

She snorts a laugh through her nose. " _Right_.....babies just make themselv--"

"Not now..." he cuts her off rudely. His mind was still racing and didn’t need a lecture or friendly teasing when the situation wasn’t even remotely funny right now.

To anyone else, her expression was always cold or neutral at best, but he knew her better than that. This was her kind face. She was really trying to be understanding. "You’re sure it's really yours?"

He appreciates the concern behind her question, but he knows Koska. He knows she's prideful and cocky and still somehow caring and loyal. He knows her morals and the way her hands clung to him when they saw each other after months apart; how she took his hand when he reached for her. He believed her…….full stop. They never laid out any ground rules to their not-a-relationship, but he knew she hadn't been with anyone else, he just knew it. She always looked so lonely when he saw her. She looked like he felt. She didn’t open herself up around anyone else and he knew she didn’t casually sleep around. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Fennec watched him closely. He seemed so resigned, but he hadn't turned Koska away, so this girl obviously meant something to him. 

"How many other secrets you been keeping from me?" she asks, as she hands him a glass of whatever she's drinking, and he accepts it gladly.

"It's not a secret," he argues, "It was just chance meetings here and there. It wasn't planned. We just kept running into each other"

Fennec snickers and he rolls his eyes. “You ran into her all right.”

“I thought you were fifty, not fifteen,” he chides her.

“Of the two of us," she says, "you’re more like a teenager at the moment. You knocked her up you idiot, what were you thinking?"

………………….

"So, what's the plan?" she asks him, over dinner hours later, when Koska still hasn't woken up. "Do you even have one?"

" _She_ does," he informs her. "She's going to stick with Djarin and Dune for a while."

Fennec’s fork froze halfway to her open mouth. "She's not staying _here_?" she asked, genuinely sounded surprised.

Boba chews his bite of stew and shakes his head. "No. It was just a visit to deliver the news."

Fennec was confused….. did she imagine how easily they'd gotten along? She didn’t know much about their subsequent meetings, but the six weeks he’d been suspiciously absent most evenings a year ago had been good for him. He seemed happy when he turned back up during the afternoons—it had been so obvious to her she’d asked him about it more than once. He'd been in unusually good spirits after those missions lately as well--not just the kind of good mood that comes from getting some action, but from freedom and even happiness after living without them for so long. She was no relationship expert, but they _must_ have had something.

"Did you even ask her to?" she asks, around her next mouthful of food.

He glares at her. "No."

"I see," she clipped harshly, and went about chewing more vigorously than required. He’d never claim to know a woman’s mind, but she didn't sound impressed, that much he could tell.

"I thought you weren't judging," he reminded her. "Going with them is a better option. You know it too."

It’s her turn to glare. "Better for _who_?" she challenged.

"Everyone," he replies. Better for Koska, better for Dune and Djarin, and better for that poor innocent child who might actually have a chance at a good life surrounded by good people. He purposefully left himself out of the list or he knew his argument would fall apart. Despite her joke a long time ago about helping on Tatooine, he never expected Koska to want to stay here in such a dark place haunted by so many years of crime, murder, and greed; certainly, there was nothing for her now with an infant. He can't even wrap his brain around it. He's going to be someone's father. Someone out there in the universe will look at least a little like him and have hopefully some of his better traits and none of the worst ones. He wasn't even sure he was capable of fathering children, but here he was. He certainly never looked forward to it like it was something that would ever present itself, but now the chance for a whole other part of life he'd written off was sleeping in is bed. 

He goes to check on her again. The food's been done for hours, but she's still asleep.

He walks in, shuts the door behind him, and decides not to wake her. She still looks terrible, but at least her features look peaceful in sleep. She's sweaty, her hair is a mess, and it looks like she hasn't slept in a week before this very moment. She probably hasn't, he thought. Who knows what kind of shifty transports she had to take to get all the way out here. 

He knows being on your own doesn't afford you the ability relax and make yourself vulnerable in sleep; especially not someone in _her_ condition. He can't believe Bo cast her aside when she needed her more than ever. Actually, he **_can_** , but he hoped he'd been wrong and that she at least cared about _her , _if no one else. 

He climbs in beside her to go to sleep himself and she finally stirs at the movement. He was far enough away so they wouldn't be touching, but he could feel her warmth seeping through the blankets anyway. He felt guilty for enjoying it--for enjoying _her_ yet again. He hadn't tricked or cajoled her into anything; in fact, it had been her push right from the beginning, but he should have had more restraint. He should have been the bigger man and ended it when he realized he was growing addicted to it--when he realized how much this woman half his age had gotten under his skin. Somewhere along the way though, her age and his age ceased to matter. He didn't want to end it, but at least he could have been more careful looking back.

"Food ready?" she asked groggily, as she looked around to get her bearings. 

He laughs. "Yeah, hours ago. It's the middle of the night now."

She huffs at him in annoyance. "Why didn't you wake me? I was taking up your bed."

"You needed the sleep,” he answers, “there's plenty of room, but I can sleep elsewhere if you want some privacy."

"I don't."

They both scoot and close the gap without it being obvious they were moving closer on purpose. She reached out to touch his arm.

"Thanks for the bed. I haven't slept laying down in days."

His hand came up to cover hers and she laced their fingers together. "When are you set to rendezvous with the others?" he asked, once they were comfortable.

"Three days, but I'll be out of your hair tomorrow though,” she tells him. “I'll stay in the town."

He squeezed her warm fingers. "Don't be an idiot. You can stay here three days." After a pause he adds another question that had been eating at him. “Or do you want me to come with you instead?”

"Your home is _here_ ," she says quickly, as if she'd thought about it. "I told you, I got this. I don't need help."

"But do you _want_ it?" he asks, emphasizing the wording of the question. "You don't have to be stubborn this one time. Ask for it and it's yours."

"We're not soft like them," she says, referring to their idiot friends who had settled down finally and had everything they could ever want. "I don't hate you, and as much as I'll deny it later, I think you know that, but that doesn't mean we have to get married and walk off into the sunset with our baby on my hip." 

“Why do you have to suffer alone though?” he asks.

"We had a good thing," she tells him honestly, "and I don't regret any of it, but this is my burden to bear.” She smiles sadly. "This baby is the most unexpected and surprisingly welcome gift I've ever had, but I'm not asking you to give up your life for an accident."

" _You_ are......" he reminds her. 

"That's because it's inside me," she explains. "If it wasn't, I'd probably run for the hills, but I feel a connection to it already I can't explain.”

Her protectiveness took him by surprise. “You're stubborn, and hot headed, and a lot of other things, but you'll be a good mother."

"Cut the bullshit," she chastises him. "We don't lie to each other." That was so unbelievably not true she had a hard time getting it out. Everything that came out of their mouths was bullshit; they pretended like every time they crossed paths it was a huge inconvenience, even though they'd wished for it to happen. They had to lie about it just being about sex to explain away the actual intimacy and warmth they couldn't admit to seeking. They were a mess and couldn't talk about things in a straightforward manner to save their lives, but he had to say this one thing and make sure she heard it.

"I'm not lying,” he tells her, “you will be. If you change your mind or you need anything, don't hesitate because of your pride. It's yours."

The next day was so easy she almost forgot why she traveled all this way. She enjoyed getting to see him again, even if the circumstances probably made him want to feed himself to the nearest krayt dragon. He didn't seem like it though…..he was patient with her mood swings that were more pronounced than ever, and their days and nights were just as easy as they had been before. The passion they found at night was even better than she remembered, but she wasn't sure if it was her changing body or just the natural chemistry between them that had been present from day one. If she hadn't felt like she might puke most of the time, she'd think it was just like any of their other rendezvous. The hormonal side of her brain knew she'd miss him once she left, so she tried to memorize all the little things that she treasured. This might be the last time she saw him in who knew how many years, _if ever_ , but she wouldn't be a burden or a third wheel to the life he was making for himself here and she wouldn't be an extra weight he had to carry for anything. Bo-Katan had made it clear that she was a liability and so she planned to go where she didn't feel so guilty. He seemed like he had a good thing here, and asking him to leave it behind for her would be a decision she'd always regret, even if he insisted he wouldn’t hold it against her. He'd resent her for it one day and she'd rather end on a high note when they still cared for each other than watch it turn bitter.

They both avoided mentioning the new addition that existed but simply enjoyed the days together. She didn't know how to bring it up again anyway, and them both ignoring the permanent connection they'd created made it all easier to pretend everything was as it had been before. Fennec had done them a favor by making herself scarce, and the two of them got to spend the days together around his work schedule. It amused her to no end to watch him in professional mode and she made it abundantly clear. He was a hardass and a total prick most of the time and still cocky and unyielding for the remainder, and it made her hot. The longer she spent in the unusual home that used to be a palace, the more comfortable she felt there. She didn't mind being the second Mandalorian by the exit, offering another level of intimidation should a client decide to flee. Her stern face and intimidating stance was useful for something at least. 

Two days later, true to her word, she gets ready to leave--another meeting and parting in the books. Their last evening together, they'd made love in the middle of the night. _Ugh. Okay, **fine**. Made love_.... It was more gentle than she usually liked, but the slow sleepy coming together in the dark was special nonetheless. _Their last time_ ……… and she hoped she could remember it as well as their first. There were a handful of memories that were burned into her mind so vividly she could recount them no matter what: the last sunset she saw on her home planet before she was taken, the brilliant blue of her armor the day she received it, and the sound of his voice in the dark asking what he could do to help her sleep.

....Time to go....

"You're really leaving?" Fennec asks her in private, as Boba's double checking for any forgotten belongings in his— _their_ \--room.

"Yes," she answers shortly. She's not in the mood for an inquisition. This is hard enough as it is.

"Why?" the other woman inquires. She'd inconspicuously watched them constantly from a distance the past few days, and they were good together— _better_ than good, if she was honest. It was obvious in their body language and how they talked to one another. It made no sense why she needed to leave. 

"Because I can't stay here," she states.

"Of course, you can."

"I can't contribute, and I won't be a liability or a dead weight.” **_Useless_** had been Bo-Katan's word. She remembered it perfectly. She couldn't fight so what could she possibly have to offer?

"You can have a place _here_ ," Fennec tells her. "He agrees with me."

Koska cocks her head. "Don't put words in his mouth."

"It's the truth and he sucks at words,” Fennec states, “but that doesn't mean he wants you to leave."

"It's easier if I do."

Shand glares at her. She though Boba was stubborn……"Easier isn't always best. Look, I'm not keeping you captive, just know you can come back here."

Koska nods.

Fennec steps aside so she can pass but has one final request. "Regardless of how that idiot communicates, let me know when you have that baby." 

"Why do you care so much?" Koska asks her, genuinely curious.

"Because I know him and I know he cares about you. You can't lie to me and tell me he doesn't."

The younger woman let out a weary sigh. They still had their hard spiny shells, but being around each other had allowed a glimpse of something else to peek through. They had both seen it, and apparently this woman had seen it too.

"Doctors, a place to stay, _money_... We have more than enough of it,” she tells her. “Don't be too proud to ask."

Koska hardly had any pride left so that was easy. "I won't. Thank you."

If she notices the extra food and water and weapons he slipped into her bag before she leaves, she doesn't mention it. She does notice it's significantly heavier than when she came though, even though she feels stronger after a few good nights of sleep. The data pad loaded with information on it, she didn't find until much later. That part was Fennec’s doing. _Fucking Shand_. Accounts were entered into it too.....contacts...... hospitals that wouldn't rip her off.......coordinates of safe houses. _Damn it, Fennec._

...........................

The hanger in Mos Eisley

She sees Dune outside the ship holding a long metal pole with some kid of attachment, scraping ice off the external sensors. She looks happy to see her approaching, but she also looks far too round to be doing that kind of physical labor.

“Should you be doing that?” Koska calls over to her.

“Don't you start too,” Cara snips, but there’s no actual heat behind it. “Din treats me like a live thermal detonator.” 

“That's because you look like you're about to explode.”

“I feel like it too,” Cara admits, “but I can still do things. If I have to sit in bed with my feet up one more day, I might go crazy.”

Koska stops near the ramp and put her bag down.

Cara walks around her to the other set of sensors. "Let me finish this up and I'll show you around."

Koska's relieved that Dune ( _Cara_ —she corrects herself--she should call her Cara) doesn't bring up the real reason she's here accepting their charity through gritted teeth. The conversation where she’d laid it all out had been horribly awkward and Cara is making this easier by not drawing attention to her _'delicate'_ condition. **_Ugh_** _, she hated that word_. Telling her she was pregnant with nowhere else to go and negotiating for a place with them, had been one of the low points of her adult life, Koska admitted. She'd never asked for a handout before, but this kid deserved a safe place, so she sucked it up. She was planning on having to suffer through feeling like an intrusion, until Cara effectively cut her off and said they'd love to have her on board; she even prevented her going through any more of her sob story by insisting how nice it would be to see her again and catch up. Koska owed her one. 

Cara finished and waddled beside her and up the ramp. At eight months pregnant, she was truly enormous. Koska thought there's was no way she would ever get that big herself--it was impossible. Her stomach under her blue armor was still flat; perhaps a little bloated, but that's all. Her chest plate was becoming a problem though and she’d need to loosen it sooner rather than later.

Cara must know that too. She knows everything. "You can take off your armor whenever you like, but let me show you your room first. There some shelves in there you can use." She climbs the ladder to show her around and Koska puts her things down and settles into her new home. The room is more spacious than she had expected. She even has her own tiny bathroom to call hers.

Djarin ( _Din_ , she reminds herself) welcomes her aboard too when she sees him during the tour. She's not sure how much he knows, but she assumes Cara told him everything, despite her assurance she didn't tell him anything personal. 

"Thanks," she replies, to his greeting from the cockpit.

He looks at Cara, and even through the helmet Koska can see the look of censure he gives her. "Did you just climb the ladder **_again_**?"

Cara rolls her eyes. "That **IS** how you get to the second level......"

"But you--"

Cara cuts off his argument before he can get going. "I'm pregnant, not disabled."

Koska liked that mantra. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

…………………

Those two were obnoxiously in love and it made her want to puke...or maybe that was the hormones flooding her system making her nauseous.

Din followed his riduur everywhere, being even more doting than she thought possible for a human male.

"I love you," she hears him whispers to her.

"I love you too."

"Just take it easy," he says, when she lugs a huge crate across the floor to get some supplies behind it. His hand moved lovingly over her rounded stomach and Koska had to look away at the private moment. This wasn't what she could look forward to, so she knows it’s best not to compare her life to THAT. Even on their best days, she and Boba never had anything resembling those idiots, but they'd had something. ...or started something at least. She hadn't held a gun to his head.... he came to see her everyday, until they practically lived together back on Tatooine and he seemed glad to see her every time after. He gave her space and advocated for his own, but they came back together again and again--the separations just highlighting how much she looked forward to being around him again. What she was witnessing now wasn’t a fair comparison at all and she knew it. She was coming in to observing these two after years of figuring out their issues and who knows what else. She and Boba only had a few weeks together, but they had found something there that neither one of them expected to form so easily. He'd put his arms around her and she'd sink into it, even in the middle of the day, and the need she felt having to be strong and invincible around everyone didn't seem to apply to him. She missed the glimpse of softness she saw in herself, but his arm wouldn’t come around her anymore to coax it out of her and the sooner she accepted that fact, the better.

The three days she'd just spent with him without anyone eyes on them had been nice--no pretenses, no defensiveness, and almost domestic in its simplicity. It was a nice fantasy, if she was honest. The days ahead would likely suck, so at least she could look back on those few days when times got harder and she forgot what it was like to be happy.

.............

He thought about that stubborn woman more than was probably acceptable. He figured a month after her leaving would be enough to stop worrying about her, but he'd been wrong. He knew it was the best thing for her to let her go, but it still stung. _Would he ever see her again?_ Without Bo-Katan and the missions to bring them together, was that last time really it? He knew it was purely selfish, but he wanted to see the child they made at least once. _Would they have a son or a daughter? What would they look like?_ _Dark eyes, dark hair, slightly darker skin than his own but lighter than her beautiful flawless skin?_ He hoped she was happy and sleeping better than when he last saw her and she told him the news that changed them both. He wondered if the others picked up on how she was always awake at night? Did they notice that she never slept in socks and that she hated metal panels because the coldness on her bare feet made her less likely to fall back asleep after pacing the floor. Maybe they had a rug, he thought, but they probably didn’t. He hated not knowing anything.

Perhaps he could reach out and see how Din and Cara were doing under the guise of inquiring about their own new addition, but it was possible Koska wasn't even with them anymore. He knew she lashed out when she was hurt or defensive and she could have easily pushed them away a long time ago if she was nasty enough. While the others probably had a lower tolerance for her bullshit, he knew how to deal with her nastiness, her standoffishness, her posturing, and her attitude. They were remarkably similar in how they were quick to jump into a fight and yet appear unaffected by everything around them. Maybe that's why they clicked so easily that first time after they met. If she needed a place to go, she could always come back here, but he knew she was too proud to show up asking for help. It wasn't a place for an expectant mother and a baby, but with some work it could be a place for another Mandalorian and a child they shared raising. She'd be a good bounty hunter if she wanted to, and he already knew they worked well together. She liked to work and be kept busy, like he did. While she might not have a place here, but he'd carve one out if she wanted it.

He had no idea how to be a man with a family after being alone for so long, and a lot of his thoughts boiled down to that simple fact. While Koska made no demands of him, but that didn't mean he didn't want to offer what he could. Despite it being her decision to leave, he felt like the galaxy's biggest asshole and deadbeat for not doing more to help her. Business took all his time these days, but if she needed something, he'd drop it at a moment’s notice.

One night after drinking significantly more than usual, he lets some of his thoughts escape around his associate and closest friend. He doesn't think he could drop his life here to be a father, but he doesn't want to forfeit his rights there either. He knows nothing about kids, and less than nothing about _babies_. “Whatever choice I’d make, it would be the wrong one and I’d just get in the way. It's better to stick to what I know,” he says once he’s good and sloshed, but Fennec doesn’t seem to think it’s quite so black and white. "Maybe you can have both,” she tells him. “A lot of people would kill for the life you're refusing to believe you're worthy of."

...........................

When the time came, Koska had a front row seat watching that strong woman and soldier be torn apart for an entire day and it finally made it real. Childbirth was messier, scarier, and much more dangerous than she thought it'd be. If someone as strong and Cara barely made it out the other side (with hips much wider than her own) then that didn’t bode well for her one bit. She’d had her hands covered with blood plenty of times, but it was so different watching helplessly, knowing there was really nothing she could do to help the woman in agony on the floor. That, combined with Din’s concern at her torture, was suffocating. She’d stayed by Cara’s side the whole time, lying to her and telling her it was almost over--how close she was. She filled the downtime taking away blanket after blanket, so the woman in labor wouldn’t see how much blood there was too. It had been a long time since Koska had been truly scared by anything, but this might have been the exception. In the end, Din's hands held the baby as she entered the world, but Koska hoped she had helped in some way too; as another female presence, if nothing else. Cara might have broken a bone or two in her hand when she foolishly offered it. She had a damn strong grip.

Cara was as weak and shaky as a nerf foal after the adrenaline wore off and the infant's first strong cries let her finally relax. She'd lost a lot of blood, but Koska didn't know if it was a normal amount or not without any experience to compare it to. She busied herself helping the new mother, while Din saw to the baby, and then switched with him to hold the new baby so he could then tend to the woman on the floor.

Din was the most loving father....husband.....partner. He truly was. He loved Cara and worshipped the little girl they’d made together from the first time he laid eyes on her squalling little face. She'd heard Cara tell him she wanted to name her Cala'ly--a smaller white version of the lilac flower she herself was named after that grew on her home planet. It was a flowery delicate full name she'd never use--like her mother gave her, but she wanted to carry on the tradition anyway. Maybe one day she’d ask Cara what her full name was, but not today.

…………………….

These soft idiots were infecting her as the weeks went by--that was the only explanation ..... 

Koska she loved that sweet baby--loved holding her, especially at night. She couldn’t feed her, but after Din and Cara went back to sleep following a midnight feeding, she’d stay up and rock the little one to give them a much-needed break. She was so attached to that perfect little girl with dark eyes and learning how to hold her, settle her, and rock her to sleep was much easier than she thought—it came pretty naturally. ‘ _This isn’t so bad_ ,’ she thought. Maybe she could actually do this.

There was just something missing…..and she felt guilty even thinking it. These almost total strangers had accepted her entirely without reservation or assumption of repayment. She never felt like a third wheel, but she felt like there was something else, just out of reach ....

Watching them drowning in love filled her with warmth, but it also made her feel cold and she had to turn away sometimes when it was too much. This happiness was theirs--it wasn't _hers_. She felt it and wrapped herself in it at times, but she didn't contribute to it. She almost felt guilty for watching it, for interfering in something so warm and perfect. She was sure she gave nothing away though. Any sadness or hormonal mess she felt she refused to let show.

She sat with Cara some nights just talking to pass the time. "I haven't heard the story how you two met...."

Cara laughed. "That's a good story......I met him by punching him in the head--well, the helmet." 

Koska laughed too. "Sounds romantic."

"It was great....."

Turned out it really _was_ a good story. She could admit it. Cara was a good storyteller once she warmed up to her. 

……………………………………… 

Weeks later. Twenty weeks pregnant.

"I haven't gotten around to thanking you for helping out so much,” Cara tells her out of the blue one day. Cala was three months old and the galaxy was hers. She had all three adults wrapped around her chubby little fingers. 

"Of course," Koska replies. It was really no trouble at all. She liked doing it.

"You know you don’t have to be **_useful_** right?" Cara asks her, "you're not here to earn your keep, I just want to make sure you know that."

Koska did know that. "I like helping to keep my mind busy,” she insists, “and it's good practice."

Luckily, that answer seemed to pacify Cara for now. To be honest, Koska had another thought on her mind more and more lately.

"Tell me the truth," she begs her, "how bad was it?" She’d be the one on the floor in not too terribly long—a fact she couldn’t live in denial of forever.

Cara chuckles and grimaces. Koska can tell she wants to lie, but won't bring herself to. "They say you forget the pain, but that's bullshit. I remember the pain vividly, but seeing her face the first time was worth all of it."

Koska nodded along. It really _would_ be her in a few months and it still didn't seem real, but the curve of her stomach was getting impossible to ignore. She was quite a sight lately.

…………..later that night …………….

“Do you want to go back?” Cara asks her out of nowhere. Clearly her response earlier had not been as satisfactory as she had thought, if Cara had been stewing over it all day.

"What?" Koska asked, clearly surprised. She hadn't been expecting such a sudden turn-around. 

Cara clarified her question. “Do you want to go back to Tatooine? Look, we all want you here, but you don't look happy.”

“I am. This is good,” Koska explains. “I'm grateful.”

Cara grimaces at her response. “Grateful and happy aren’t the same thing.”

“I am as happy as I can be,” she replies instead.

Cara looks at her right in the eye. “Look, me and Din wasted a lot of time not talking about things that need to be talked about....... time we can't get back. I don't want that to happen to you.”

Koska was at a loss about what she was getting at. “What do you mean?”

"I don't know anything about your relationship,” Cara says, “but I'm sure if you---"

Koska cuts her off abruptly. "We don't _have_ a relationship." It was true. They had affection and intimacy and a warmth and happiness at seeing each other that was hard to explain, but there was never anything spoken out loud more than that.

Cara sighs heavily. “It just doesn't feel like this is what you really want....”

“It doesn't matter what I want,” Koska explains, sounding sadder than she had intended, “it doesn't work if it doesn't go both ways.”

“You're sure it doesn't?” the other woman asks.

“We didn't talk about it,” the younger woman admits.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Cara points out, “you should see him again. Just make sure....”

Koska is starting to get annoyed. "I already told him about the ba--"

"I meant for the two of you," Cara explains. "The baby is a separate conversation."

"I'm not using my belly as a guilt trip," Koska refuses adamantly.

"Not a guilt trip," Cara tries to clarify, "just a reminder that there's someone else to consider. There wasn't even anything to see then--it was just cells." She could definitely see it now. she was getting bigger every day. "Men's brains are small, they're visual creatures."

"He doesn't want this,” Koska tells her, as plainly as she can without sounding bitter. “His whole life he's wanted to be his own man and live a simple life on his terms. He finally has it, and I don't want to take that from him."

“He might surprise you,” Cara offers. “You said he offered you help, and he didn't turn you away--you left.”

"He didn’t sign up for this," the younger woman argues on his behalf.

"Neither did you,” Cara reminds her, “but maybe he'd be open to it; he might welcome it even. The universe can be pretty lonely. You said he seemed happy to see you."

Koska thought back to those days and he **_had_** seemed happy to see her. Despite the enormous weight of the news she'd brought, he seemed pleased she was there. He seemed relaxed; actually, he seemed more relaxed than she'd ever seen him.

"And if he's not….open to it?" she asks.

"Then you'll know, and we'll still be here,” Cara assures her. “You’ll have help with us if you need or want it in any capacity. You've helped so much with Cala, but you don't owe us anything. Do what's right for you.”

When Koska seems on board, Cara thinks of a plan…… “Din can reach out see the lay of the land--wait no, that's a terrible idea.” _Stars, the thought of him giving advice combined with trying to talk about feelings, made her shudder._ “Change of plan, I'll reach out to Fennec. Tell her about Cala. She can tell us how he really feels.” 

“There’s not as much there as you think there is,” Koska tells her. She doesn’t want her getting the wrong idea.

Cara is clearly skeptical. “There's really nothing there? I find it hard to believe the way you looked at each other. You’re saying it was just a one night thing then, you didn’t' love him at all?”

"Don't ask me that. I'm too tired to lie." She loved him. It didn’t go away or grow weaker in between meetings. It just got stronger, more stable; less of a dangerous uncontrollable fire and more of a gentle flame that provided a comfortable warmth and light in the dark.

"Whatever there was or is, or whatever, I can see you miss him," Cara observes, and at the other woman’s bristling, she holds up her hands in surrender before she gets wound up. "It's not an accusation, just a fact."

She wanted to argue and insist that she didn't; wanted to stubbornly deny it until she was blue in the face but she was tired….so tired….she did miss him....

"You know what I think?" the ex-rebel dropper asks.

Koska snorts. "I think you're gonna tell me." She used to think Cara was quiet and she almost never heard her talk when they'd worked together years before. Back then, she was focused with a steely gaze that seemed unimpressed with everyone around her, save for one person.

"I think you're both idiots,” Cara tells her, “just say what you mean......"

“It's not that easy, we're not like you,” she explains.

“It IS that easy,” Cara argues, “just say what you mean. Words are hard, but it all comes down to what you want and what you're afraid of.”

“What did you want then?” Koska asks her challengingly. “What was the line in the sand for _you_?”

Cara surprises her by meeting her challenge and answering frankly. “To love Din without pretending he was just my friend and to be good enough for him,” she admits. “He deserved someone better, but for some reason he loved me….and I wanted to be worthy of that.”

“And what were you afraid of?” Koska asks, almost unsure if she wants to know, but her naked honesty was something she couldn’t look away from.

“Losing it,” Cara says without missing a beat, “losing _them_. I was afraid of finding a family and having it taken away or driving them off with my baggage.”

Cara almost laughs at the surprised look on Koska’s face. “That honest enough for you?”

Koska nods, since words feel inappropriate after such an brutally honest confession.

“Your turn, what do you want Koska Reeves?”

For some reason, telling the truth finally seems freeing instead of stifling. “To have him around. like before,” she says quietly, “to enjoy being around someone without worrying they're going to leave or that showing any weakness is going to be used against me.”

Cara gives her a minute before asking the follow up question. “And what are you afraid of?”

“That I don't have a purpose anymore and without Bo,” she tells her, and once she starts, it all kind of pours out. “That he doesn't want the same thing I do; that as soon as I show I care at all it’ll be used as a weapon; that I'm a sell-out for being happy when there are so many people who aren’t. How long of a list do you want?" she asks angrily, by the time she gets to the end. "I'm not blind to the fact that I'm difficult to deal with. I'm angry and defiant and push people away."

Cara snorts fondly. "Join the club, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone."

Koska looked at the woman in front of her and wondered what she used to be like before Din, before the green kid, before Cala.

Cara decides to give her one more piece of unsolicited advice before she turns in for the night. “After the war, I didn't think I'd ever have a purpose again, but then one ran head-first into me without any warning. Someone else can't tell you that you have purpose Koska--that your life has meaning; you have to decide that for yourself. It has meaning if you decide it does and live accordingly.” Cara always said she was a mess for such a long time, but it was hard to believe looking at the wonderful life she had now and how self-aware she was. Koska had never been good at taking advice, but she’d try this one time.

“Just ask him,” Cara tells her. “Don't beat around the bush, just ask him what he wants and tell him what **_you_** want. No matter the outcome, you won't regret it. No riddles, no tests or trick questions, and no sarcasm. Just ask what he wants.”

“You’re right,” Koska tells her.

“I spent a hell of a lot of time on my own--preferred it even--it was on my terms and I convinced myself that it meant I was stronger than everyone else, but sharing it with someone else isn't a weakness or a failure to be independent. Sometimes it's just as easy as being happy with another person near you--finding someone who just works with you in this universe is rare, so take happiness where it presents itself. If it makes you happy, take it. You're not a sell-out, you're not weak, and you're not less committed to the causes that matter to you. No one is going to take it from you, but you'll lose it even faster by sabotaging yourself.”

Koska groaned at how close that hit to home. “I already said you’re right, shut the hell up.”

Cara laughed. “You sound like Din.”

…………………….

“You're getting big,” Cara says one morning, “can you feel it yet?”

"There's this kind of dampened thumping...is that it? This weird turning feeling, like when you flip a cake on the grill.”

"Yeah. It's pretty amazing right?"

"It's weird......that’s what it is."

Cara laughed. "That's true. I have some extra clothes you can wear until we stop again to find something more forgiving."

An hour later Koska stood in one of Cara's long tank tops that was stretchier than anything she owned and a pair of pants without buttons. She hadn’t morn her armor in almost three months, but she had really ‘popped’ lately. She took a long look at herself in the mirror. She looked extremely pregnant today--it had snuck up on her, but there was no denying it now. Any stranger on the street could see her swollen belly now. She'd raised up the shirt to scratch the tight skin which was still free from stretchmarks, but so tight and itchy it drove her to distraction. She was barely five months into this, but from the pictures she'd seen from the informational holos, she looked closer to seven. She was ravenous lately and always so kriffing thirsty.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Cara had said as she studied her reflection, “but you look really big for how far along you are. Every woman is different, but to be safe we should stop somewhere and make sure you're not holding onto too much water. Maybe it's twins, wouldn't that be insane?" she laughs, trying to break the ice.

Koska laughs too, but the smile falls off her face as she remembers something she'd convinced herself she'd forgotten. "I had twin brothers, a long time ago, so it's not impossible." 

Cara knows how much the other woman hates being the center of attention, so she makes the upcoming trip about someone else entirely. "Cala needs to be seen by a doctor on Nevarro anyway, but maybe you can schedule something the same day," she suggests. "If we go any longer without Greef meeting this little girl, he's going to come find us himself and we'll never hear the end of it. We're in the outer Rim anyway, maybe Fennec wants to meet Cala too."

……………………………….. 

Cara saw her eyeing her shoulder piece as she moved it back and forth under a small lamp. It was the middle of the night. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude,” she says, as she walks in, “I didn't know you were up too." She was nursing in bed but her back was killing her, so she decided to walk the halls while the baby gulped happily with the welcome swaying motion rocking her to sleep. Koska barely looks up. She's seen Cara in so many states of undress by now it was old news seeing her without a shirt. Giving birth took what few hang-ups you had apparently. There was definitely little modesty left after all she’d seen. 

“It's fine,” Koska replies, and goes back to inspecting her small piece of armor under the light. There was some steel wool on the table next to her as well.

“Everything okay?" Cara asked as she pretended not to notice the small jar of metal paint that was open beside her as well. 

"When I got this, I was so proud,” the former Nite Owl tells her. “I even stood to the side a little so people could see it front and center. I must have looked like an idiot." She turned her upper body to the side, to re-enact the ridiculous profile pose that showed off her signet when she was younger, and Cara laughed. She could imagine Din doing something similar as a young man.

Koska sighed and eyed the paint again. "Paintings over it’s weird."

"Don't paint over it yet," Cara implores her.

"I'm not going back," she explains.

"You never know, Bo-Katan could come to her senses--try to make it right...."

"She'd rather die than apologize," Koska tells her, "and the damage is done. I might go back to the cause, but I couldn't be in her clan any longer."

“I'm just saying, don't make any hasty decisions when your hurt, angry, or hormonal, and definitely not in the middle of the night when you haven't been sleeping well.”

She knew Cara was just looking out for her by now, so she didn’t bristle at what a younger Koska would have seen as a command and a call to defense. "Fine. Tomorrow then," she conceded, as she screwed the lid back on the jar and took Cala's sleeping weight in her arms instead. 

Cara stretches to pop her back, and eyes the empty chair next to her. "You want me to stay up with you?" she asks.

"Don't be ridiculous. Sleep while she's asleep," Koska tells her. "I'll wake you up if she gets hungry again. I can't sleep anyway and she's a good listener." Holding that little girl was more soothing than a whole night’s sleep to her these days.

Cara laughs. "That's a good one," she jokes. "She never listens. She'll be a handful when she's older."

"She'll be unstoppable, won't you Cala'ly?" she says sweetly to the sleeping girl, enjoying Cara's cringe at her full flowery name in all its glory. “She'll be brave, strong, bull-headed, confident, and a natural leader. People will fall at her little feet.”

In moments like these, Koska felt every bit the soft idiot she'd always scoffed at, but maybe it was okay in the right company; the sweet scrunched up face with the beautiful long lashes that trusted her even in sleep, was definitely the right company. 


	7. Chapter 7

Fennec watched Boba go through motions of the mundane everyday tasks it took to keep the place afloat. She figured it’d take a week tops for him to be back to normal, but that wasn’t the case. It had been months now, and he was even broodier than ever. 

"I talked to Cara today," she casually drops on him one afternoon. 

He looked up from the blaster he was cleaning. At least he still cared about _something_ , she thought.

“She had the baby,” she tells him, “a little girl.”

“Good for them,” he said, and it sounded more sincere than anything he’d said lately. _Those two deserved something good._

“She and Din are going to stop by so I can see her,” she informs him, as he returns to disassembling the loading mechanism in his lap. “I’ll go into town to pick up some kind of gift before they get here. I’ll put your name on it too.”

“Sounds good,” he agrees, and they both continue working side by side in silence for quite some time. After a while, he sighs heavily, and he gives up. She won. He caved first. _Damn stubborn women._ "Well……? Let’s hear it."

"Well, what?" Fennec asks, pretending to be oblivious to the giant blurrg in the room. She's a good liar and puts on a good show, but it was obvious what details she was leaving out on purpose. 

"Aren’t you going to mention _her_?" he asks Fennec, "twist the knife a little more?"

Her focus is entirely on her own blaster now and she refuses to look at him. "Nothing to mention," she says dismissively. "Cara didn’t offer anything and I didn't ask. You’ve made it clear you didn’t care, and I didn’t pry." 

Boba looks at her skeptically. “I find it hard to believe you're keeping your nose out of it.”

"Nothing to keep my nose out of--she might not even be with them anymore, who knows?" She returns to polishing her blaster with much more gusto than necessary.

Another ten minutes pass by in silence until she turns her steely glare directly at him. Her mouth maybe quiet but her eyes weren’t silent at all. 

"You have something to say, just say it," he confronts her. "You’ve never held your tongue before."

Fennec puts down the blaster to focus on the man in front of her. "Fine. I think you’re an idiot."

Boba lets out a groan of relief that the silent treatment is over. "There it is...."

Apparently, asking her thoughts had been the wrong choice, because the floodgates were now open and she wouldn't stop until she was finished. "You think I don’t know what you’re scared of? I do, but you have a real chance here to have something good for once, and watching this self-sabotage shit is giving me migraines. If you legitimately think she’s better off on her own that’s one thing, but I don’t believe that and neither do you. I've _seen_ you together. You’re happy together, so why would you turn away a chance to be happy? You think you don't deserve it? Like suffering some kind of lonely penance makes you selfless or righteous?”

She doesn’t appear to be even close to done, but Boba takes advantage of the fact that he had to actually pause to take in oxygen and interrupts her. "What kind of life would she have here?" he asks, seriously. Fennec scoffs and brushes it aside, but he won't let her downplay this. "No! Honestly… tell me! You want to talk? So, talk."

"She’d have solid ground for one,” she states. “A community, access to resources…..."

"And feel like she was stuck here....you forgot that part," he adds coldly. "She'd stay here and make the best of it if she felt she didn't have a choice, but I want her to have a choice. If she has a choice, she can choose something better."

"What do you think she has _now_?" she asks him, angrily. "She lost her family and Din and Cara were too good to turn her away, but how long will she be happy playing live-in nanny for them when she has her own new born? They’d never make her feel unwanted and maybe they’d all be a big happy family one day, but it would take a long time. I saw how happy you were every time you crossed paths, despite your best efforts to hide it. You're good together....and I don't understand why, but that's not my business. The two of you could be happy and you're determined to screw it up by pretending you don't want her here!” 

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "It's not that I--"

She cuts him off before he can get a whole sentence out--she's clearly not done. “And tell me this....did she seem like she was stuck here those six weeks?”

“No....”

Boba thought she seemed happy…….comfortable…..less defensive, if not still angry and short-tempered. They could read each other after just that short time together--unpeeling layers, one at a time. There was so much progress that could have been lost when she left, but it wasn't. It was still there when they ran that mission together and still there again the night in the underground meeting room. It was real and didn't disappear every time he thought maybe it had. 

"I was weak, that's all," he says. “She was beautiful and I couldn—”

"You’re playing the _'it was just sex'_ card, then? Bullshit."

  
“You don’t get it,” he tries to explain, “she was young and beautiful and she—"

Fennec jumps in again. “And she **_what_**? Couldn't keep her legs closed so you just—"

He turns on her in an instant to put a finger in her face. “Watch it.”

Fennec just grinned harder at getting a predictable reaction out of him. “Look at you, you’re defensive! It wasn't just sex, so why can't you admit it? Who are you pretending for?” she asked, “certainly not _me_.”

He hated that he jumped at her exactly as she knew he would. “Are you done badgering me with your unwanted advice yet?”

“Every time you saw her, I could tell because for weeks you were different,” she explains. “I don’t know what it is that you see in each other or how it works, but I know it’s real. You should see her, you idiot; ask if she’s really as happy with her arrangement as she thought she’d be. You might still have a chance to not watch her walk away again.”

He would never admit the woman in front of him was right, but she wasn’t wrong. There was still a problem though that he just thought of. "What if she’s not even still with them?"

Fennec actually barked out a laugh. "I lied. She’s still with them and she’s fine." At his questioning skeptical look, she clarified. "Of course, I asked. Don't be stupid."

……………………….

The Djarin Clan made it to Nevarro first on their pass-through of the Outer Rim, before touching down on Tatooine. Fennec meets them outside the landing area in full view of the 'palace'. She only calls it that ridiculous name to piss Boba off on a daily basis. She figures her boss can work on his own problems—she just wants to see that baby.....

Koska is surprisingly the first one she sees as she climbs the ramp of the new ship. She assumes Cara and Din are still gathering all of Cala’s things for the visit. Fennec meets her halfway in the ship’s entranceway and they exchange pleasantries until Fennec might burst from the awkwardness of it all. "Aren't you going to ask how he is?"

"Who?" Koska asks, stubbornly.

"Stars," the other woman curses under her breath. "You're _both_ dumber than I thought."

"Fine, I'll bite,” Koska decides, and rolls her eyes. “How is he?"

"Broody, distracted, and he wants to see you.”

“Bullshit,” Koska says. “He didn't say that last part.”

"He didn't have to. Some communication needs words, and some doesn't. You're both some of the worst people at communicating I've ever seen. I'm not your go between. When I told him I was meeting with Din and Cara, he was worried that I didn’t mention you. Check on him yourself. He's waiting outside."

Koska lets a deep breath out through her nose. She couldn’t put this off any longer. "Fine, I'll go check on that idiot. I won't promise more than that." She walks down the ramp and crosses the sand between the Crest II and the palace doors. She's unsteady on her feet in the sand and her everchanging center of gravity isn't helping. Fett watches her walking towards him and comes forward away from the building to meet her. 

By the time they’re finally standing together, Fennec, Cara, and Din are all on the ramp watching from a safe distance. They can't hear their words over the wind, but both women are holding their breath to see what'll happen.

Whatever they’re saying, there are no guns drawn and they don't appear to be fighting so that's a good sign. The nosy trio watch from their long-distance vantage point as she places one of his hands on her belly…..and after an agonizingly long moment, he adds the other one himself. They turn to go inside together.

Din sees Fett’s hand on the small of Koska’s back and how she leans into it. "Wait....... are they.....do they have a _thing_?"

When it's clear he's not joking, Fennec turns her head to look at Cara and the height of her eyebrows is bordering on hilarious. "Is he _serious_?”

"He's not always this clueless," Cara defends him.

"Look, I've tried to stay out of her private affairs,” Din says, on his own behalf, and points his thumb at his riduur. “Most of my time has been kept keeping THIS one away from the weapons locker when the baby is asleep."

Cara almost looks guilty. Almost…..

“Let's give them some privacy" Fennec suggests. "I'll check in with Fett later. Now, I want to get my hands on that baby."

Cara's already loosening the sling and puts Cala'ly in the other woman's arms. Her whole face changes looking at the sleepy baby. "Hello there Callie."

Cara snorts. _Yet another nickname this poor baby didn't ask for. It was still better than Carasynthia, so she shouldn't complain._

"Come inside," Cara offers, though Fennec's eyes are glued to the tiny face, "you haven't seen the rest of the new ship."

"I don't care about a ship,” she says, without taking her eyes off the little girl who’s starting to wake up. “Good luck getting this baby back though."

Cara’s is overly protective of their daughter, so Din jumps in to diffuse the joke before it gets out of hand. "Believe me when she wakes up and demands food, you'll be happy to hand her over.” 

.........................

The warmth of his hand on her back is hotter than both suns as they head away from the others. She heard Cara's voice in her head. _Say what you mean_... She would go for the direct approach--no real pleasantries or small talk once they got inside. She was just going to go for it. She was hot and swollen and wanted to get this over with. If anyone thought she had a short fuse before, it was almost nonexistent now, much like her ankles. 

He beckoned her inside so they'd have some privacy and protection from the suns high in the sky, but they didn't make it more than a few steps past the front door before she turned to him with a glare so intense it reminded him of when they first met. 

"Do you want me to stick around for a while or get back on that ship?" she asks him directly.

He knew the question was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier. "It would be _better_ for you if y---"

She cut him off. "What's **_better_** for me is where I want to be ....not where I'm **_told_** that is."

"Where’s that then?" he asks.

It’s now or never, she thinks. _No bullshit, no sarcasm, just say what you mean._ She finally gets out the two words that were harder than lifting a star destroyer with her bare hands. “With _you_.”

He doesn't say anything and just looks at her face. He genuinely can't believe she wants to stay, but she takes his surprised silence for uncertainty. "If you don't want me here, just say so. I won't linger where I'm not wanted."

He can hear the hurt in her voice disguised as annoyance and makes himself speak. He’s not trying to tell her what to choose, but he wanted her to understand where he’s coming from. "It's selfish to say I want you here when you have a good thing with Djarin and Dune.”

“It is good, but I’m not happy there," she admits. "Not really." She feels guilty and ungrateful for not appreciating their selfless generosity enough. They gave her everything and now she sounded like a spoiled child who didn't get her first choice.

"Would you be happy _here_?" he asks. Going for the direct approach seemed to be the strategy of the day.

"I could be,” she says, “but I'll never know if I don't try."

“What are your terms?” he asks. It was easier to approach this like a business deal instead of what it really was--two people deciding to try to do life together on purpose instead of a series of serendipitous visits. 

She thinks of what is non-negotiable.

"I won't be some soft woman who stays home and raises children," she states first.

"Who said you have to?"

“I'll still fight and work and raise hell sometimes,” she lists next.

“Of course.”

“I'll probably join the fight for Mandalore at some point,” she admits. “Not under Bo-katan, but on my own terms.”

“Sounds fun. I can't wait to see that bitch again.”

"I'll piss you off more than once," she warns him.

"Per hour?” he asks, surprised at her lowball number. “I wouldn't expect any less, so stop trying to scare me off. It won't work. I’m more stubborn than you, girl.” 

"I liked what we had,” she says honestly, when there doesn’t seem anything else to negotiate. “It was ....good…..and I'm not used to _good_." That was more direct than she planned, but the loth cat was already out of the bag now. It was the truth.

“I did too,” he admits, “and trying for ‘ ** _good_** _’_ again, seems like it’s worth the effort. If you're not happy here, we can say we tried, but I’d like to give it a shot.”

That sounded better than even the most practical plan she could come up with: it was honest, clear expectations without any rules set in stone. They both would just try their best. He was willing to try and so was she. 

"I'm terrible not being in control, and babies are chaos," she admits.

"Me too," he says, "but chaos isn't boring." Every moment they were in the same place it was a sort of blissful chaos--all pre-scripted conversations went out the window, goals changed, and fights were a given. At the end of the day, he loved her chaos--her stubbornness and the fire in her, specifically. 

"Do you _want_ me here" she asked, slowly, enunciating every syllable clearly. If those dark-headed idiots back on the ship could get their shit together, then the two of them could at least speak in complete sentences and get shit out in the open. 

He lets his hand drop from her side to her fingers. "I never _wanted_ you to leave."

_Well, shit,_ she thought. What she wanted was what _he_ wanted too. It almost seemed too easy, but she wouldn't question another good thing in the series of good things that happened since she crossed paths with him.

"Then I'll stay," she says, already feeling lighter at admitting it's what she wants, "me _and_ the twins."

………..The end………

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear from you :)


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